• Times two

    by  • November 1, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Confusion • 0 Comments

    I just want you to know, I think about the past, about the what if’s almost every week. I think what if I had said yes, how much would my life be different. I think what if you would have stayed, if you would have led the role you signed up for almost 20 years ago. I think what if I wouldn’t have backed out, let fear control my decisions. What if I would have stayed where originally went and not transferred. What if I don’t think about those what ifs. If I just say forget and forgive, and continue with life. But that is easier said than done. Then I continue with the what if thought process. What if I leave because I can’t handle seeing my friend with this guy that’s not how do we say good. But then what do I know it’s her life and I can’t tell her how to live it, I also know I couldn’t do with out her. She is so my best friend. So I sit in a local coffee shop pondering the what if’s that have plagued my brain for so many years. Forgive and forget right?! But how do you forgive when you can’t forget those nights when you fell asleep with a wet pillow or those nights you just didn’t want to deal with anything anymore. It’s crazy what one person can do to your sanity but it’s even more crazy how much you can screw up your own life then spend so many moments trying to put the pieces back together. This letter is to the you’s who have walked in and walked out without another word. To those who have no idea what I’ve done to get here and what my goals are. To those whom I love but shall never speak a word for the past is the past and we must continue forward.

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