• This is Just to Say

    by  • November 1, 2011 • To You • 0 Comments

    You gave up on us, and that’s what hurts me the most. I know things got hard the last night we were together, I know i was rude to your friends because I was angry with you, and that hurts me that I hurt the people you love the most. I regret that most every day. But even when i apologized, even though we got into a minor argument, you just left. It got hard for a period of five minutes and you bailed. You left me despite the fact that when you held me in your arms you held me so tightly i couldn’t figure out where i began and you ended. You ran away even though we shared our deepest dreams and secrets with one another, bailed even though we became lost to the world in hotel rooms with bottles of Gentleman’s Jack. You ran away even though you made it clear to me that you wanted me to stay, cried with me when i cried. You took back everything you said, even if you tried to explain that you meant something entirely different when you told me you were falling for me. And now half of my heart has been ripped away from my chest, and whenever I see your face I can barely hold back my tears because it hurts me so much to be thrown from your life. And the paradoxical part of this fucked up fairy tale is that I just want you to be happy, I want you to feel joy that you’ve claimed to never feel, I want you to achieve your dreams and even more. Even at the expense of my happiness, I want peace for you. And God, you don’t even care that I would give you the world if you asked. you don’t care that I feel lost and confused in the world, and yet i care about every little thing that hurts you. Selfish, God I’m so selfish but i try not to because I love you, regardless you are still my soulmate and best friend and I only want to see you happy. It just hurts that the person i want to run to for comfort wants nothing to do with me, that the person I love the most and would’ve endured anything for gave up on me without even looking back. And yet you text me at one in the morning to ask me if I’m okay, and I dont know what you mean and it plays with my emotions as you try to convince me I’ll grow from this. Which I will, I just don’t need you to tell me I will. Really, who are we trying to convince, you or me? My head keeps spinning with songs that remind me of you, with pictures I can’t throw away, and memories that won’t become any less clear. I love you and and I’m a fool, and you don’t care.

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