• Cathartic

    by  • November 1, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 0 Comments

    Yeah well, can’t miss me that much when you can’t even find a two second bathroom moment to let me know you have to move!
    No, sorry but for now, I am done explaining. I tried and tried but you just don’t want to understand or it’s just not important enough.

    How many people you claim to love do you just hang up the phone on, come back hours and hours later and act as if nothing happened? That this is totally normal to you? Do you do this with anybody else but me? ANYBODY? You can’t even hang up the phone when put on hold for half an hour, telling me that would be rude to do so!

    LMAO ah really, it’s rude? How do you think it makes me feel? Someone
    you claim you love and care for? HOW would YOU feel if anybody would
    constantly do this to you? When kindly you try to explain how it makes
    you feel? When then a few times it seems to be considered, only to fall
    back into this “it doesn’t matter, I’m busy’.

    No, I understand and it’s okay really, I have been understanding and as clear as my vision always was ….my responses to your action have changed and will change even more. Gradually I have and will be adapting more and care less too.

    It already doesn’t even hurt as much as it used to. Do you think that’s a good thing? Hmm I guess in a way it is, but while we gain contentment, we loose something very special that is so much bigger then many people hope
    to ever have in their lives.

    Too bad you don’t see that. Too bad you don’t want that in your life.

    No matter which way we go, the day will come when we will find out where it will lead us and what’s supposed to be or not. It’s okay, I tried it all with an openess that I never even knew I could possibly show anybody else. No regrets ever from my side. Not even if you leave, because with not much in life have I had put as much effort in, as I did with us.

    If you ever leave, or force me to leave with constant pushing, maybe it just wasn’t meant to be and what was, has filled it’s purpose. Whatever that was.
    Life is all about lessons learning and the choices we make. Not just the big ones but the daily little ones as well.

    I am your choice as you are mine, no matter what you say!

    I was never a choice to you? Why am I in your life then, even if it’s only this way? A choice you made like I did! Why do you keep holding on? A choice you make like I do! Why do you say you have no choice???? You make them all the time, yes, even in light of me….quite obvious ones actually.

    No words can erase actions and neither will be forgotten – even if I easily forgive. Maybe one day that too will change as life seems to have changed a lot of who I thought, I am. I don’t know, I don’t know many things anymore but I do know how I feel.

    Now here is the kicker….do you think you have a CHOICE in how you feel?
    I mean a choice of ‘okay I chose not to feel this way’ and gone it is?

    No, nobody can, we can only chose to ignore or rationalize or push feelings away. Nobody has more control of life, then the control given to you by others, through circumstances.

    Let this linger a moment – Key word, given by OTHERS. Yes, even feelings, because nobody HAS to express or act upon them, THAT is a choice everybody has to make for themselves.

    Nothing is for granted, and neither am I nor sharing my love for you!

    Chose wisely, not just for the future but every day and every moment, because

    what your future holds, truly lies – in the way to it

    (all of it and not just work and passions. It’s easy to lose sight of what is really important, but everybody has to KNOW what is important to them)!

    There you go, more choices…

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