• What you want vs. What I am

    by  • October 31, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Frustration • 0 Comments

    After 5 months of parading me around and giving me a roller coaster of emotions you finally tell me that you’re not attracted to me. This would have been some great information to have before I allowed you to invade me. Maybe then I wouldn’t have thought it was something more. I told you I love you, and I meant it. I still do. You said that I was the perfect girl for you, but you’re just not attracted to me, and you’re right, that does suck for you. If you are attracted enough to lay with me, then you think you could get over the fact that I’m not “cute”. What is “cute”? I’m not a girlie girl if that’s what you’re looking for. I don’t flip my hair, or bat my big doe eyes, or pout my lip. I’m too old for that stuff. This got me thinking though. I’m what I call a chameleon. I mirror the people I’m around at that moment… Do I even have my own personality? I don’t even know. I know this, I don’t want to be a girlie girl. I’m a tomboy at heart. In movies I relate to the tough girls. The ones where you don’t know if they are going to kiss you passionately or rip your head off. Am I not girlie enough for you? Do you want me to wear bows, and curls and poop rainbows? If I thought it would make you love me… I still wouldn’t change that about me. I despise those girls. We both know I’m not going anywhere. Maybe that’s a fault of mine. I’m am deeply in love with you. Just try to love the tough, ruthless, non emotional exterior, because on the inside, I need you more than I let on. You’re killing my heart, and it hurts.

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