• To be with you or without you?

    by  • October 31, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 0 Comments

    Dear J..,
    We’ve been together for a 6 months now and things have never really been all that great. We have our good days here and there but for the most part I dont think those days can possibly make up for all the other ones. There have been times when I am literally scared of you and the things you say to me. Everyone knows im a kind, caring person and you take advantage of that at every turn. I found a quote one day that said if “I treated you like you treated me, you would hate me” I immediately thought about you, which i would not consider a good thing. This is the longest I have ever dated anyone and I have not picked winners in the past either. but the funny thing is you aren’t a bad guy, the previous parts may sound like you are but you aren’t. In the end i just don’t think you’re the guy for me, which i have told you numerous times, and it is always followed up by how you will love me forever no matter what happens. this statement kinda preys on my personality again, because then acting on what i think is best seems mean. while dating you you became my best friend as well as my boyfriend, it’s just those HUGE fights that scare me to death and all the little ones in between. I know fighting is normal in relationships, but as far as i’m concerned it should not happen every time we’re together. that is not in any way healthy. Also i’m so tired of arguing about me being around boys. I have guy friends! yes some of them like me, some want to take me away from you, but the truth of the matter is only I will be taking myself away from you and only your actions will make that happen. I feel like we have more issues than good aspects in our relationship, but you say you want to fight for it no matter what. I believe that to an extent, but Im pretty certain im not fighting for it. I’m letting things be how they are now and if the jealousy and ridiculous behavior persists i’ll end it. I dont want to lose you completely because for once i dated someone who was my friend before they were my guy. not talking to you every day would be the strangest thing i can imagine at the moment, but in the end that might be what is best for both of us. you need someone who fits you and i need someone who i believe isnt you as sad as that makes me sometimes. You were the 1st boy i’ve ever loved and there is no way i will forget that ever! but in this case i don’t think my 1st love will be my last…

    the girl you will apparently “love” forever

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