I cried for you today, not the: single tear down the cheek kind of cry but the: I let the whole world catch up to me and sobbed all night long kind of cry. The kind of cry where you can’t catch your breath because every part of your body is searching for air all at once and you can’t keep up. I haven’t cried that honestly in a long time. I haven’t allowed myself to feel that bad because it hasn’t done me any good. But today I had to, it rushed in and took me over. I don’t know why; probably because I’ve thought about you every day that we haven’t talked and I’ve wondered what would happen if I tried but I can’t, I won’t let myself try. I’m too scared of what might happen, what you might say or…not say. I’d rather live like this; comfortable in our situation, rather than try for something better because being vulnerable isn’t a good look on me. I quiver in anticipation and crumble under emotions. I don’t want to feel anymore, so I’ll just take this rush and swallow my tears back up, close the door again and wait until the next time they come knocking.