You know what I hate about myself? The fact that I’m soooo jealous. I put on this front that makes it seem like I’m the opposite of jealous. I make people think that I’m not jealous because I don’t want to seem like a typical psycho girl. Meanwhile, I’m driving myself nuts inside! Literally, I get jealous over everything. Even when it comes to family members, friends, ANYTHING! I’m sorry but that so can’t be normal.
Take my sister and her fiance for example. I am currently single, and I want that significant other. Just somebody that you don’t need a filter with, you can tell them everything and anything. Because you know how you have your certain friends that you share certain news with? I’m sick of picking and choosing who to tell what! I want that someone for everything! I want companionship and hugs and kisses. My sister’s fiance is a phenomenal man. Soo not my type, which is good! Yet I’m still so jealous of her. It’s to the point where I have a hard time feeling happy for her. That is not okay.
Another family matter, my two cousins: a boy and a girl. I’m really close to both of them. They live in the same state, but not the one I live in. First, I became close with the boy. His family visited for New Years, which began our friendship and amazing conversations. That following summer, the girl and her mom came up and we became close. Thus began our laughing and joking around. Because I so quickly became so attached to both of them, when I visited them I made them become closer. So now when I see them posting stuff on each other’s walls, or being at family events together I get sooo jealous. I mean, c’mon! How stupid is that?!
Like I mentioned above, I don’t show anyone how jealous I am. I shrug it off like ‘ehh whatever, who cares!’ I don’t know….I don’t know what else to say. I don’t even know why I’m posting this on here…I guess just to vent. Maybe I should see a therapist or something…these feelings just aren’t right, there’s no way…