Dearest Roommate,

I can’t stand your face. Every time I see you I want to kick your shins.

I am not a violent or angry person at all, you have just driven me to madness. You have no respect for anybody but yourself and you’re always eating all my food that I’ve bought when you have more than enough. All you do is take my shit to piss me off and say the most outlandish and sexist things imaginable in front of me. You have actually told me that women were not as capable as men and deserved to only be in porn. You are a chauvinistic douchebag. The ONLY reason you are in my house is because my boyfriend and I felt sorry for your stupid ass and felt like it was necessary to help you out of your slump.

I feel like my space has been violated. We have a baby on the way and you still won’t leave. I’ve heard about you saying bad things about me behind my back…that my relationship with my boyfriend won’t last and that you think I’m trapping my boyfriend by getting pregnant. Seriously? After everything I’ve done for you? I let you live in our house for free for over 3 months while you sat on the couch and did nothing. I kept my boyfriend from jumping down your throat soooo many times because I thought you were having a hard enough time as it was. That’s right..a WOMAN helped you and you’re not even my friend, you’re my boyfriend’s.

I want you out NOW. You’ve lived with us for over a year and that’s more than enough time to get your shit together. You’re incapable of controlling your anger, you’re a sexist idiot (and I’m having a girl), you have no respect for anybody, we need your room for the baby, and you’re way too stupid to realize I hate you. Please get out or I’ll find a way to get you out myself.