Every time I see a sunflower, it reminds me of you. Reminds me of our fort we built to watch Space Odyssey. Reminds me of the incredible amount of tea we consumed together. All the weird documentaries we sat through. The Twilight Zone and Louie marathons. Reminds me of the time you said “Don’t worry, she’s the light of my life” when our friends were concerned about the darkness with going to the park so late. Of how you would look back at me while we were bike riding to make sure I was okay. The time I got stuck at your house when it snowed and we got to have a sleepover and read Calvin and Hobbes. The new swinging position we created. The tree climbing. The baking of delicious goods. The excellent effort in trying to help my brother create a film. All of our little adventures we spontaneously went on.
I am so glad that we have these magical memories together. Right now, I’m letting myself truly honor you and all we had. I don’t miss you, I don’t want you back. I just really, really do love you. I truly want you to enjoy where you are at since we can’t be together physically. Sometimes I imagine you are still here with me. I have grown past my hormonal and insecure stages and have so much free time and sometimes when there is no one else around, my imagination runs wild and pretends you’re with me and we’re doing something crazy. Sometimes they take me too far out, but those sometimes are getting more and more rare. I am growing out of the attachment and into full respect for you.
I would never admit this out loud. I just hope you know I do keep you in my dreams, for now. You hold an unbelievably miraculous spot inside my heart. I know our separate journeys will take us to phenomenal places and show us nifty sights, I just do pray that we always will reunite to share all we saw and learned. Take care of yourself.