You ask me why I’m single, why a girl like me doesn’t have a boyfriend. Truth is i’m not looking, i have too many imperfections. I’m selfish, immature, a free spirit, and, honestly, an ugly person. You tell me i’m beautiful but you don’t know me, I have awful thoughts, am very judgemental and am a liar and two-faced a lot. I’m a people pleaser, I tell them what they want to hear, I go out of my way to make them happy. I’m insecure, I know I’m not beautiful and am a weird person, and although I’m ok with myself, I’m not ok with hearing you tell me that I’m something I’m not, it makes me think you’re just a liar, like me. Maybe that’s my problem, I assume people are just as bad as I am, that they lie to get what they want and nothing is really sincere anymore.
Either way, I’m very aware of these imperfections. And I know that to be in a relationship you need to be secure, to be confident, and honest. You need to love them the way they want to be loved and do things for them, even if it hurts you or is something you don’t want to do. And I’m not there yet. I can’t pretend to love someone and because I do care, I can’t allow someone to love me when I can’t give them anything in return. Maybe one day I’ll stop being selfish and afraid and open my heart to the right guy, but for now I’m single, single and content. I don’t hate myself, I just know myself.