So, if I meant as much to you as you did to me, why can’t you tell me?

Jason, I’m guilty of letting you know, not in the best of ways. Why can’t you just put it out there? You are so sweet & have been hurt so much since we ended it that I think you don’t want to ruin the one relationship where the girl didn’t actually end up hating you; she FELL IN LOVE AND GOT HER HEARTBROKE instead.

People think that you don’t really feel much for me. I dunno. I know that you would not let me end our only contact which was our blossoming facebook friendship, where you wanted me to become special friends, and I don’t know how real that was, if you were using and playing me then to get back with the one you walked out on after getting hurt too much. You even admitted that I was indeed the other goddess you had to let go of during the Charlie Sheen phase. You posted something really sweet but generic on your about me section just after we started to talk again and left it there as other girls in your immediate locale came and went. I can even feel in February your brooding pain and anger, wanting to be with someone that you were furious had rejected you, calling that person a coward and chicken but you wouldn’t say who it was, left me wondering if you meant me?

You went back to the woman who’s the mother of your latest child and your daughter seems happy. Never see any pictures of your wife which is really odd. You take pictures of so much stuff.

I know that I do sooooo much miss our chats that we had been having until I told you that I wanted to be the one in your bed and arms and I thought that your wife was not being kind to you….and then you went and didn’t say a word about this confession I made however, you went and made your fb profile pic that of you in your bed lounging against your pillows, dressed. I guess you got that….

Since anyone else would likely have blocked and unfriended someone doing that, or at least giving them a peice of their mind, it just makes me think that you are feeling something for me and aren’t willing to make me mad and lose me again…..even as you are waiting for me to make up my mind, but sweetheart, there’s a recession and I need to go to school for job training before I can support myself again. Then I am going to see if you do want me or not, still, and I wondered just who was making you feel like a Second Fiddle, if your wife had not cheated on you??????

Sweetheart, can you be direct and let me know what’s going on….Please, it’s kinda killing me. I don’t know why I can’t shake you, why I still feel like a teenage girl in love now I am 41, really. Since we are both in a relationship the only way we are talking is in fb. And I really would hope when you are stuck indoors because it’s cold in Wisconsin you will talk to me more again. Living in Chicagoland, I get the deal with making every moment of good weather count. But it’s still not nice to be ignored you are hurting my feelings. I find things to joke with you about one or two times a week and then I leave it at that so as not to be too obvious, which I was already but hey. What’s your situation, are you just playing me or are you really happy to be back in touch with me again, which was the impression that I was getting…….

Please don’t build a wall up and shut me out I won’t let you. Not without some kind of explanation. Not without getting from you how did you feel, as in LOVE? Seems to me like you might have but you are getting too gunshy and might be ignoring me a bit because you do like me, ergo the photo and all the messages….the only other option is that you were using me to get your wife mad enough to get jealous and show you her love again. You keep looking really sad it comes through in your eyes most of the time…….Talk to me and be honest and make me talk to you when you know I’m insinuating and being crptic about you and how you make me feel. UGH. But I am still crushing bad on you, still wanna be with you and see where this can go. Don’t play me, I don’t want my heart hurt in a million peices which you know now that you did to me…..Not that it was your fault entirely, I had to move. I love ya, you know that I don’t want you to be happy with anyone else…….I tried to act like an adult and respect boundaries that only went so far then heart trumped brain, sorry. still trumps brain.