It all started in 8th grade. You lived down my road and were best friends with my brother. You came over all the time, and man oh man, did I ever have the hots for you. You were so tan; your eyes sparkled when you flashed that grin of yours. Then you pretended to like me as a joke. I got hurt. Then turns out you actually started to like me again. I moved, 15 minutes away and we started high school together in the fall. We all dated different people, yet we became best friends. I dated my first boyfriend, then one of your best friends; you helped me through those two relationships. You dated, girl after the other, and I still supported you, even if you were fast in getting in and out of relationships. We always knew our friendship was more than a friendship, but we never said more and remained friends. Then one night you called me. You asked me to go to your friend’s place. I was so ecstatic. Unfortunately I was on a bad path at that time. I’d started to skip meals; I’d started to purge whatever went inside of me. I just wanted to be perfect again like I was, more thin, like your ex maybe, maybe because your best friend I’d dated called me a fat whore. So I went to your friend’s. We kissed and did stuff under the stars beside the campfire. It was very romantic; it was what our friendship was supposed to be like. Then in our 2nd month of dating, I hit rock bottom. I went from weighing 131 pounds to about 106 pounds soaking wet. But who was there for me? You. You helped me through it. When I almost got hospitalized, you were there. When I had to go to sooo many doctor’s appointments you listened to me about how they were all out to get me. You understood, well maybe not, but you listened. I was going great, and I relapsed a few times, but you stood by my side, never telling anybody why I was almost fainting all the time in the halls.
When we dated, I used to go to all of your broomball games, and I finally managed to figure out what offside was. I watched your whole day of soccer games in the pouring rain, just because I loved you that much and loved watching you do something you loved. We watched your brother’s hockey games together too.. Well actually, not all the time, sometimes we’d sneak off and go do our own little thing…
We never fought, you’d give me piggy-backs at school, and you hugged me and kissed me in front of all your friends. I always made you late for class and you never complained, since after all, you were rewarded with a great kiss. Also, you’d always sneak over here, even if we always got caught, but it was worth it…
We’d hold hands, we’d talk about love, and how if we ever broke up we’d have to stay best friends like we were before.
One time you’d texted me and said “It’s kind of funny this whole thing started over me trying to get poon and you liking me, and the more and more you talked to me that night is the more I started to like you. It pretty much describes our relationship, not romantic but it’s realistic.” And that’s what made me love you even more.
A whole year together and you got me an orchid for the lovely occasion. Unfortunately, that night I was really snappy and freaked out about the smallest things. I’d been doing that a lot, ever since I had relapsed.
I was cutting myself this time though on top of everything. You tried to help, you really did. But then you turned around and said it was too much for you.
That I’d put you through way too much shit, and you couldn’t handle it anymore. Well that was a blow to my ego; the fact that I wasn’t good enough. That for one month I was problem free and it made you think of all my imperfections; you even told me that you knew more was bound to happen and you just couldn’t help me out with it anymore.
Funny thing was, this girl moved into a house down the road from you the July, right after we had started dating in May. And I knew something was bound to happen with you two, but I brushed off the idea and never thought of it again until the night you broke up with me, and the day you invited her over and made her a grilled cheese and started to make milk shakes for her best friend and you were going to go to the water park with her.
What hurt?! When my sister went to change your profile picture and she saw the inboxes you had with her the night you were breaking up with me. She said, “Well we can always flirt and hangout.” and you replied “Yah that sounds good, except Alex can’t find out or else she’ll be rattled.” Or when you were inboxing all of your little buddies about it, ” So heatbag for Alex right?! I feel so bad for her.”.
Well you little boy, if you really felt bad, why were you doing it is all I ever ask myself. You said, well what was I supposed to say, I didn’t want to hurt her feelings.
Bullshit. When you love someone, you don’t lead them on like you were doing. Oh, and the fact when she said I was prettier and you replied with an “no, she looks older that’s it,” well that sure as hell hurt too.
So I was madly in love with you, you broke up with me the way you promised never to, which was by text. We talked the next day at school and we kissed. Bam, it was done.
And now, a month later after our relationship, exactly on the anniversary itself, you’re dating her. I saw it on my News Feed on Facebook. I guess that you at least waited a month, good for you. Still, you could’ve waited more than 1 1/2 weeks after to makeout with her. The part that hurt a lot was the fact her name replaced mine in less than a month after our one year realtionship. Seeing her picture in that little box of “in a relationship with” made me cry a little, not going to lie.
You know what’s also funny? How you said you never got over the fact I madeout with 2 girls while we dated after only two weeks? Well she just had sex with her ex boyfriend while you two were almost about ready to date and you’d been seeing her for 2 weeks.
You know what, deep down you’ll never get over that ever.
You’ll never change, I know you. You’ll have a girl lined up the second she isn’t good enough anymore or the second things start to get rocky.
All I can say is, thank you for getting me through all you did. Thanks to you, I’m healthy, I weigh 122 pounds, I keep my food down, I don’t cut myself and I love myself for who I am. You taught me that love existed when I was very cynical about the whole principal about it.
I’ve come to realize, people come in and out of your life for a reason. You taught me a lot.
I still can’t help but think about the quote which talks about if you love something let it go; if it was meant to be, they’ll come back and if it wasn’t then it was never meant to be. I secretly will always wish it’s the first part, even though I am able to realize it won’t happen.
I hope you’re happy with her, I hope she loves you as much as I did; I hope she treats you right.
But most of all, I hope she realizes the guy that she has in her hands is one of the most amazing people that I have ever met in my life, and I want her to know how lucky and privileged she should feel.