• Left in the shadow of your heart.

    by  • August 19, 2011 • Bitch! • 0 Comments

    I’m writing this from my point of view. I loved you. I gave you all i could give to anyone on this entire planet. I was thinking lately. The more i see things, the more i think of things i realize that you probably never loved me. You used me. I could never show you how much i loved you or even remotely get close to explaining the pain i endured because of you. You knew everything that was wrong with me while we dated, you knew everything about me. I let my walls down for YOU. No one else knows as much about me as you do. I opened up completely to you, i let you in. We would sit out every night in the summer and fall and spring and watch the stars and talk about everything. I instantly fell in love with you, and you said you did too. How am i supposed to believe that when after we break up i find out more, and more lies about our relationship? You lied to me every.single.day. and i had no idea. Every action, every motive, every single thing you did, we did was a lie. If you actually loved me, why would you hurt me? I think of these things, and when i look back… you never loved me. I went through shit tons of ass because of you. All the rumors your friends started about me, only to find out that you were in on the rumors while we dated… You treated me like shit but i put up with it because i always assumed you were in bad moods and i thought it was because of the problems you had. You became distant, and my suspicions were correct. You had someone new. You and her were a thing for an entire MONTH before you even said anything to me? you said you didn’t want to hurt me? but cheating on me for a month doesn’t make it any better. To make all of this better, you fucked me and dumped me all in the same day. For another girl… I thought no other guy on this entire planet could come close to you, you were my fucking world. No other man i dated came to your standards. I was completely and utterly in love with you and you threw everything i gave and did for you back in my face. We were done. After you left, the secrets started pouring out of everyone. You did drugs behind my back, you saw girls behind my back, you started rumors about me while we were together, you told everyone about our sex life, and you told the things i shared with you to everyone you knew. In case you had no idea, but that really fucked me up. Remember the medicine i had to start taking to handle my depression while we were dating? Yeah, its worse. Everything is fucking worse. In case you were wondering, i have nothing, i am nothing. Not because you left me but because of what you did to me and how you left me. I hope you’re entire life is just so amazing knowing how badly you fucked me over, fucked up the way i think and how i act around any guy. I haven’t had a boyfriend since you, and no one has really been interested because i honestly have no idea how to act towards any man on this planet now. Every man that i see, you come to mind. How am i supposed to date someone new when the one person i gave everything to fucked me over? I can’t. Everything is so much harder now. I honestly can say this without a doubt that i hate you. and i hate what i have become because of you. Finally, i hope i run into you in the future and you’re a piece of shit living on the street begging for change, and im gonna look at you and laugh in your face and ask you why you let the one person go who tried to get your life back on track.

    Love always,
    Your bitter and hateful ex <33

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