so I’m writing this 3 weeks after out camp in 2011. We were 13 and you made that summer amazing . the reason i’m writing this lil bit at the top is so that if in 20 years time you look back hopefully you will remember me ?
Right So i’m gonna start at the beginning.
so on the first day you were talking to one of my friends and i thought that you looked cute and I really wanted to talk to you. so I did and you were super sound. then i couldn’t remember your name and started to call you josh even though that’s not your name! but you were ok with it, I think? anyway, so ye …
then that day then we were playing rounders and me and you were having a laugh and all I could think is I want to kiss you! But I knew you’d never fall for me! so I told myself that I didn’t like you and I liked that “wet fish” (that’s what we call him cuzz he’ll adopt a personality just cuzz he has none of his own!). but I didn’t and anyway he asked me out, we went out for a day then i dumped him when he asked why I said that going out with him made me realise how much I was in love with someone else.
When I told you I dumped him you were really happy for me and you gave me a hug. you give the most amazing hugs ever! I wish I could just curl up and never have to let go. And you’re not a stupid guy who doesn’t like hugging in public you hug were you want all the time!
ahhhh I’m getting of topic. So megan spotted it. she said that she thought that you liked me. (i’m not very good at telling people who I like so not one person knew I loved you) then she asked if I liked you? At first i said no, but then she kept going and i admitted that i was crazy about you! Then that day I was at the zoo. Evan texted me and said that he thought you liked me and asked if I liked you. I said a bit cuzz i wasn’t going to announce to the world that I loved you! He said ‘ok;)’
I remember at the disco, Jack asked if id meet you and i said “Shane doesnt like me like that!” and he asked “are you sure??” then. You texted me later on that night we talked an you asked who I liked ? I said I didn’t know even though it was obvious!! you said that you thought that a few girls were hot but there was one girl you liked. I didn’t ask for names cuzz you didn’t want to tell me. then you apologized for jack and I told him that I knew you didn’t like me that way! then you sent me
‘ill find you’
now by this stage I kinda thought that you might like me but I wanted to make sure so I asked;
shane you can tell me anything , you know that? right?’
‘trust me you don’t want to know!’
so I left it. i’m not one to push for answers! We texted for ages then I said that i was gonna sleep and that was it.
The next day, we were in the green. Carrie and I were talking and then Harry and jack came carrying you and dropped you decide me. you were blushing like CRAZY!!!!!! so was I! but you made jack and harry sit and we talked for ages. Then at social time we were hugging (you are an amazing hugger and We hugged for ages that night !!!) and I was thinking about how on the last disco I was just gonna kiss you at the very end and tell you that I really liked you, no scratch that I loved you and I knew that you didn’t feel the same but whatever I didn’t want to live without you knowing! you asked what I was thinking.
‘i don’t want to live with regrets! you know?’
you hugged me close,
‘ I know!’
we were right up close! your eyes looking at me like I’d never been looked at before, our noses touching, your arms around my waist, mine around you neck. At that moment I was about to kiss you ,but then we had to go. so I didn’t get to 🙁
so when we were all in our rooms I texted you.
‘right so i’ve been thinking If i’m lost, you’ll find me! right? what if i’m In love?’
“in love with who??because Iv been thinking about your no regrets thing and I’d fucking regret not telling you how i feel about you…’
I’m not gonna write the whole text but basically you said that you’ve liked me since the beginning and yo really love me, you went through all the thing that make up me like how I say ‘no ‘ and ‘go’ like a bogger even though I’ve lived in the city all my life. how I have no balance and always fall !ect I texted back telling you the same thing, like how your accent is sooooooooo cute, how when I hug you I feel safe but when I have to let go….Its like I’m all alone and I’m lost, ect.
the week went by, we hugged, told each other we loved each other, got married ect!
the getting married was the soo embarrassing for me! remember after the ‘ceremonies’ (one of the RA holding hands and saying stuff 🙂 ) Carrie said you may kiss the bride! but I am a frigit and you’re not I just went for a kiss, you went for a meet. thus making things awkward!!!! I knew you knew but still twas sooo aks !!
anyway I’m gonna finish of with the last disco. We spent it dancing together and then towards the second half we sat outside and talked. you gave me your hoodie because i was cold, then you said that we went from liking eachother to marrige and altho you still wanted to be married to me, you also wanted to date me. and that you know we live 4 hr away you wanted to try! I said yes! we talked for almost the rest of the disco but when american pie came on we had to go inside it was one on the saddest things I’ve ever done! say goodbye to you!
Shane you are AMAZING, I love you and I know that you are going to dump me because I know that you can do better! you’re smart, funny, an AMAZING singer, hugger, kisser! you understand me, you taught me it’s ok to be me, you made me fall in love and I want you to know that there is sooooo much that I could say about you because you’re AMAZING!
And I’m gonna say goodbye because I’m crying about the thought that you live 4 hrs away and I cant hugg you all the time, can’t kiss you goodnight, can’t fall only to look up and see you there ready to help me back up. Shane I Love You and I’m counting the days until I get to see you!