• Breakdown… spillout

    by  • August 17, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Hatred • 1 Comment

    Dear… Me?

    Today I counted, 17, seventeen times I wished I was someone else, or had someone else’s life. That’s not normal, it’s completely sick, but again so am I. I’m sick, sick with hatred, sick with rage, sick with envy, sick with me. I am Gay.

    I’ve known for almost 5 years now, and can’t accept it, won’t accept it, not at all. I mean, I must’ve done something terribly wrong in my past life for this punishment, like really, why? Why in the name of God would I CHOOSE this!? Whomever said that was an old prick, it’s completely stupid. Why would I choose to be discriminated? Or not being able to have children? Or choose not to have the “happiest day of my life” with my wife? Why would I choose this? And yet, I cannot get rid of it!

    I love life, just not mine. I hate not having enough money, I live thruogh everything pretending that I do, BUT I DON’T! And I guees what you’re thinking, “Hang on! It’ll get better” Well, I sure hope so, I’ve had enough suffering, worth two lifetimes you know, well ok, no, I over do it. But I’ve suffered enough, I’m becoming such an amazing actor faking smiles, and pretending everything’s ok that’s I should be nominated for the freaking Oscar!

    Life is tough, deal with it! But, what if I don’t want to… Someone said once, God won’t give you what you can’t have, but what if He messes some time, I mean it’s possible, He created Osama Bin Laden and Rebecca Black isn’t it? Well, I don’t know, I guess… I guess i should just move on.


    One Response to Breakdown… spillout

    1. AH
      March 12, 2012 at 10:39 pm

      You described the very situation I was living two years ago, and even though I still don’t have the courage to come out, I’ve found another ways to overcome my sadness.

      Please, first and foremost, you have to believe that you’re a beautiful person, it doesn’t matter if you’re straight or gay, black or white, tall o small, skinny or fat, you ARE a person, and that single afact makes you so special you have no idea what it means.

      You’re life is always interchangeable, you can steer it any way you want, and money is never going to be a fact when you have a desition made up. I beg you, believe in yourself and in how beautiful you are.

      Sincerely, a stranger

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