Today I counted, 17, seventeen times I wished I was someone else, or had someone else’s life. That’s not normal, it’s completely sick, but again so am I. I’m sick, sick with hatred, sick with rage, sick with envy, sick with me. I am Gay.
I’ve known for almost 5 years now, and can’t accept it, won’t accept it, not at all. I mean, I must’ve done something terribly wrong in my past life for this punishment, like really, why? Why in the name of God would I CHOOSE this!? Whomever said that was an old prick, it’s completely stupid. Why would I choose to be discriminated? Or not being able to have children? Or choose not to have the “happiest day of my life” with my wife? Why would I choose this? And yet, I cannot get rid of it!
I love life, just not mine. I hate not having enough money, I live thruogh everything pretending that I do, BUT I DON’T! And I guees what you’re thinking, “Hang on! It’ll get better” Well, I sure hope so, I’ve had enough suffering, worth two lifetimes you know, well ok, no, I over do it. But I’ve suffered enough, I’m becoming such an amazing actor faking smiles, and pretending everything’s ok that’s I should be nominated for the freaking Oscar!
Life is tough, deal with it! But, what if I don’t want to… Someone said once, God won’t give you what you can’t have, but what if He messes some time, I mean it’s possible, He created Osama Bin Laden and Rebecca Black isn’t it? Well, I don’t know, I guess… I guess i should just move on.