• Black Sheep

    by  • August 9, 2011 • Fear • 5 Comments

    If I’m free, it’s because I’m always running. That’s what I do, run away from it all. As soon as the going gets tough, I get a fucking move on and sprint my ass out of there. I don’t think I know how to deal with things, because everything I try to deal with goes from bad, to worse, to up in flames.

    Skeptical? Here’s some reassurance. Once I felt fat, so I stopped eating with the intention it would be for a few days. Well two years later I’m still here counting the amount of cheerios I can eat per day, punching my legs when I start to feel hungry, and still feeling too fat.

    But we are all fucked up, so who cares. Actually, that is an amazing question, who cares? Nobody. Not a single person gives a damn, except for maybe about themselves. I’m convinced that’s why I don’t seem to fit in anywhere, because I care for so many people, people I’ve know forever, people I just met, people I don’t even know. I feel with my whole body, I feel every fucking thing, even if it’s not directly impacting me.

    I’m like the breath of hot summer air in bitter cold
    I’m like a mermaid living among fishes
    I’m like an actual human surrounded by empty, desolate statues

    Truth is, I have no idea who this letter is intended for, my parents, my friends, my enemies, or maybe to anyone who will shut the fuck up for once, and just listen. So, for all of you who are willing to feel something, this is for you. I might not be to strong enough to take my own advice but here it goes. Stop running, stop hiding, stop looking back, find out what it is you truly desire, no matter how big that is, and go for it. Because if you’re running towards something, you’re not running away from everything else anymore.

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    5 Responses to Black Sheep

    1. elizabeth
      August 9, 2011 at 11:47 pm

      one day you’ll take that advice, even if you can’t now. I’m really glad I read this and I hope things get easier for you. From another runner know that someone out there does understand.


    2. Doesn't Matter
      August 10, 2011 at 12:07 am

      You aren’t the only person that cares and gets nothing in return. Your self pity is sad to me, but at the same time it hurts. There are other people in the same pain as you – people that have always ran.

      But I still believe in you. Take your own advice. Swallow that medicine. Eat chocolate cake – an entire one! You’re strong enough, or else you would never get mad enough to write this letter that you’ll never send. You’re strong enough. Stronger.


    3. catcher
      August 10, 2011 at 12:11 am

      And fight for what you believe in.
      I feel your pain.


    4. NoPoet
      August 11, 2011 at 9:52 am

      I was like you once. I was running, and I was good at it. One day, I did it: I got away, away from everything and everyone that ever hurt me. But I found my self alone. So I started running back, terrified I would be too late, they would have moved on, I would never get a second chance after I screwed up so bad. And I found my self surrounded, by the people who really care about me, by people who love me for exactly who I am, and who had open arms, ready to forgive me. I hope you reach your running point, and can find your way back if it’s not everything you dreamed.


    5. m
      November 30, 2011 at 2:04 pm

      hope you learn to stop running and just stand still



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