• I Can’t Forgive You

    by  • August 7, 2011 • Divorce • 0 Comments

    I wish I could forgive you for all of the hurt you’ve caused me but I can’t. I can’t forget about all of the times you’ve cheated on me. I can’t forget about how you would blame it on me and tell me it was my fault that you would go out all night and not come home. You would blame me for your impotence and tell me I was doing something wrong even though the real reason was because you were high on coke and other things.

    I can’t forgive you for calling me names and putting me down. I would get upset and cry and then you would tell me to stop acting like a victim. If I would try and say things back, you would threaten me and tell me not to start or you’re really going to tell me about myself and would always try to intimidate me when we would argue.

    I can’t forgive you for never being there for me and the kids. We were together for thirteen years and you only worked for the first two. I felt like a single parent. I couldn’t depend on you or lean on you when I needed it. You were a body in the house is all. I can’t forgive you for the hurt I felt then. I worked a full time job and two part time jobs to support our family because you wouldn’t pick up the slack or do your job as a husband or a father. I grew to despise you and felt almost hatred toward you.

    I can’t forgive you for hitting me. We would make up and you would say you’re sorry but it would always include something to the fact about how I shouldn’t provoke you. Every time you hit me, I would get mad at myself for allowing it to happen. I can’t forgive you for making our wedding weekend the worst weekend of my life. Every time I look at our pictures, I think about hoe you threw me against the rail in the elevator of the hotel and split my head open and I bled like Sissy Spacek in Carrie. When we got to our room, I went into the bathroom to take a shower and wash the blood up and you left because you were afraid that someone had called the police and you didn’t want to go to jail. You weren’t concerned about me at all.

    I can’t forgive you for the pain and hurt you’ve caused me. I don’t have it in me anymore to forgive you and pretend that we’re happy to everyone. I’m miserable and unhappy inside and cry when I have to think about my life. I can’t stay married just for our kids anymore. I don’t want to live my life this way anymore. I wish I could say I want to work it out and stay married so we can have our family together but I can’t.

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