Are. You. Kidding?
Your timing is horrendous, every time. For 8 fucking years your timing has been horrendous.
Granted with the others, it didn’t mean this much. It didn’t mean being this happy.
We’re still new..and you’ve gone and fucked it all, again.
I won’t let you do this to me. Not again. Not this time. I can’t even trust you won’t leave me again. Maybe if you hadn’t teased me for the last year. You completely broke my trust once and I was willing to forgive you. Then you went and did it again. I was still willing to forgive you again. Until weeks ago. Weeks ago when I wrote that other letter, you wouldn’t believe how much my feelings have changed.
Someone has come into my life who I actually deserve. I don’t know how long it will last. I don’t want it to end, but we’re still new. I have a few trust issues now…thanks for those presents. I have to be measured, reserved, and cautious because of you…something I’ve never done before.
I’ve been quite the fan of dangerous activity for some time.
Either way…I think about sometimes, if we last a really long time. I know he’d be amazing. At all of it. Husband…father…all of it. I mean, I don’t know if I want those things. I just know that if I do, and I’m with him, it will end up great.
I know that I could never be quite who I am with him. I also know that I’ll never find another person who I can be that with. It’s you. You’re the one. The only fucking one. The only one who could do the things you do to me. The only one who could make me want to do the things you make me want to do. It’s only you.
But you know what else I know?
I can’t trust you not to break me again. We’ve been in one fucking fight, in the 8 years we’ve known each other. This is how fucked up you have me? You’ve broken my heart twice, but never with an explanation. Just gone. Abandoned. Completely. And I’m supposed to just let you do it again?
I was a dangerous girl. You killed that part of me. Or at least put it in a fucking coma.
Either way, here’s how the situation is going to work.
I’m either going to settle, or wake up and take a risk again. We’ll see how this ends up.
I was your puppet. You pulled my strings and I danced for you. You cut my strings. I don’t know if I’m ready for you to tie them back together.
But if you’re worth it? If you’re who I think you are? And if things are meant to be?
You’ll wait for me, because I waited for you.
It’s your turn to be on the back burner now.
But just so you know?
I could fucking kill you for this.