• Letting go

    by  • July 30, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Letting Go • 0 Comments

    When I first learned who you were, I thought you were a bitch. You always had a serious attitude with everyone. You were very outspoken and arrogant. Pretty much the opposite of myself and everyone I would normally be friends with.

    That’s why I was surprised that out of nowhere a friendship did start, and it just kind of took off. We were so close and everyone was openly envious of what we had. I honestly thought of you as my best friend, and I told you that.

    So when you started acting very insecure about our friendship, I was taken aback. You claimed you were just messing around, but I could see through it. When I asked you to stop with the guilt trips you flipped out… apparently me being open with you was a mistake.

    It wasn’t until months later after I had apologized countless times that you decided you missed our friendship. Soon enough we were right back to where we had been before.

    That’s when the insecurity came out again. This time you attacked everyone else I was friends with. Clearly I couldn’t have any type of life that you weren’t involved in. Again I apologized (for what?) and you wouldn’t accept it. You lashed out at me and after a few things said back and forth you stopped responding.

    That was the end of the friendship. I made no more attempts to contact you or fix anything. I was done.

    Months later, again when you missed having me in your life, you reached out once more. You simply wanted to make me feel bad once more so maybe I would regret letting you out of my life. I was asked to explain why it was so easy to let our friendship go. All I could say was it wasn’t worth all of the shit you put me through, and that was not the type of answer you wanted. We haven’t spoken again since then.

    A lot of times I wonder if I made a mistake. Maybe I should have been the bigger person (again) and apologized. Begged you to forgive me and gone back to how things were.

    Instead, I was able to take a step back. I could reflect on our relationship and what about it I might be missing.

    Our entire friendship was based around us making fun of people. How low is that? All we did was talk shit about anyone and everyone. I see it between you and your current friendships too. That’s what your entire world revolves around, and yet everyone seems to love you. It seems that talking other people down really can make you look better in the eyes of others.

    If we ever speak again, I won’t be apologizing for throwing away our friendship. In fact, I feel better for doing that. I don’t need to put others down to feel good. Instead, I will apologize that your self esteem is so low that being a mean, heartless bitch is the only way you can feel better about yourself.

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