I know that some letters you look at and you’re like, ‘wow’. nice but not going to read it. but i seriously need help here…like i need some damn advice that no one will give me.
it all started with:
this guy. i knew him for awhile and then we made out and then we dated. honestly didn’t want to date him but i did because i felt like it was one of those things where i should experience a relationship so i went for it hey why not he had been trying to date me for a while now. so it all started and then the starting was boring and then it got bad… like i would leave his house and cry on the car ride home because i hated the way he treated me. he made me feel like shit, he talked to me in ways that a man should never talk to a woman. and he was so aggressive.. like he wouldn’t abuse me but he was soo forceful physically that i hated it. it was such a turn off and it made me feel like shit. (ps. i’m a virgin i don’t wanna have sex for a long time) he knew this and he consistantly tried to break my barriers.
so then the end:
i broke up with him after 8 months. i told him everything i was feeling and he was crushed. he insisted he loved me. and he insisted that he would change. CODE REDDD!! BULLLSHIT! so i left him and 7 months later he was still begging to come back into my life but i didn’t need his shit.
i hate dating..
i don’t want a guy to feel superior to me
i want to be in control…
i never want to be the one to get hurt…
it’s bad. because i always put myself in the position where i know i won’t get hurt… i’m always the girl that “doesn’t like relationships” that the guy is going to try to change that for but in reality i know that it won’t change.. i know that i still at the end of our day won’t want to date them because i have built up a wall.. it’s like ever since i was little i saw my friend’s hearts being broken and i saw them crying and being miserable because of a guy, and i know this might seem twisted. but i want to make guys feel like that. like yeah FUCK YOU now who is hurt.. even though i’m usually the person that wouldn’t be hurting anyone…
IDKKK if it’s bullshit but guys tell me they fall for me easily… like they want to date me because they know that they won’t find anything better than me. and well yeah that’s BULLSHIT! but i don’t get why they push the relationship.. like they know i’m a good girl so do they think that by being n a relationship i’ll let my gaurd down and then let them fuck me or something??
BUT THE THING I NEED HELP WITH!!!
i met this guy. i reallllllly liked… we shall call him “D”. so me and “D” met before but i didn’t remember him. then we met again… and well i really liked what i saw. so then we made out ya know not thinking anything of it. but he was the best kisser i have ever kissed. so then i kinda fell for him we hung out alot alot and we talked about everything. like legit everything. we layed on the trampoline and talked for hours. we did stupid things together. but the best thing was when he asked me to go on a walk. i just kinda fell for him. BUTTT dilemma i wouldn’t let myself like him. i got scared and i ran.. he gave me a teddy bear.. he gave me his senior picture.. he gave me alot.. that i had never really felt before. and then the teddy bear freaked me out. then i left on my vacation and when i got home i saw him the first night. i was tired and jetlagged and didn’t really hang out with him much… then i haven’t seen him since.. he asked me to hang out and i wasn’t feeling it… but i honestly do miss him….
**then i met this other kid we shall call him “K” so i met him known of him thought he was sexy then we hung out alot because we go to the same poool and then i hung out with him and i kissed him and then we hung out more then he started talking about relationships and then we talked alot about alot of stuff and shit.. i like him.. but i still constantly go back to “D” like thinking of things that “K” does that remind me of him. like the way he kisses and or tlaked to me about different stuff. and i left “D” without even a reason not even finalizing that we were done talking not even really telling him..
and now idk what to do.
this sucks.. 🙁
i miss “D” and im leading “K” on but i like them both…
THIS IS WHY I DONT DATE AND OR SHOULD NOT DEAL WITH MEN! :/
HELP PLEASE… idk what you would say but just some input..