• One Month Anniversary

    by  • July 29, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Lost Love, Those Gone Before Us • 10 Comments

    To my soul mate,

    We’ve been dating for 10 years, since 7th grade in middle school. Now that we were finally out of college you planned desperately to find the most romantic way to propose to me. We were going to be together forever.

    As you were planning you started noticing something odd and you went to the doctor. He told you that you were dying– cancer had poisoned you– and you wanted to stop everything because our forever would only last 8 more months. When you spilled all of this to me I wanted nothing more than to marry you, I wanted to show you all the ways that I loved you up until you died.

    Our wedding was on June 27th and it was the best day of my life. Although they had you confined to a wheel chair, I didn’t care, you were just as breathtaking as the day we first met in social studies. We spent every minute together after we were married, you’d hold my hand and tell me that you loved me. It was all I ever wanted, you were all I ever wanted.

    July 26th I could tell that you were in so much pain, we went to the hospital and they told us that it was the end. I never cried so much in my entire life and you started apologize. I didn’t want you to do that, I wanted this, I knew you would leave earlier and it was damn near killing me to have you saying sorry for the best years of my life. You begged me not to be sad and to celebrate your life– “remember me, I’ll always be with you but please try to move on”– and I vowed to you that I would try my best. You died on our one month anniversary as we were sleeping together in a hospital bed. I was curled up in your arms and I swear I could have died there too, safe and warm as we were just a few months ago.

    Now, I’m getting ready for your wake and your funeral. It’s killing me but I can’t help but smile in some way knowing that you’ll always be with me and a part of you will live on.

    I’m writing this to tell you that after us trying, today, I found out I was pregnant. I’ve been crying in the mornings as you have been getting so ill and I thought that was causing me to vomit– turns out it was something else. If it’s a boy, I’ll name it after you and if it’s a girl I name it after your aunt, just as we had discussed, just like you would have wanted. I hope that the baby looks like you and is kind like you and has a heart as big as yours. I just wish you were still here so you could share in my joy. I’m already telling our baby in my belly what a great man you were and how much you love us. I can still feel your love within me and I see the signs everywhere, I know you’re watching.

    Honey, I’m still worried that people will be scared of this, scared like they were when we announced our marriage plans– they don’t want me to get hurt. Please send me the strength to tell them and help them see what a good thing this is! Don’t worry about me though, spend your time helping your mother– she is struggling more than you would have though. Although, being a single parent will be rough, I will never see myself as being truly alone.

    I hope you know how much you mean to me, how much I miss and love you– I can’t find the strength to take off my wedding ring and I’ll wear it on me somewhere until the day I join you. Hopefully, one day I’ll marry a man who understands what a big part of me you will continue to be. I am forever changed by you and the legacy you left behind is incredible. When I finally leave this world, I’ll run to you with open arms and we can lay on the couch and watch TV as we once did. Until then, I’ll see you in my dreams, please visit often <3

    All my love and more,

    10 Responses to One Month Anniversary

    1. Uncool
      July 29, 2011 at 5:39 pm

      Its always good to remember the people that heavily shaped our lives in the earlier days, I usually call them “once in a lifetime” people – they are the ones we remember the most because they taught us something about living and more so ourselves.

      I think your child will be very proud of his/her strong mother and of course the father who helped shaping your lives positively. As my guardian angel watches over me so shall yours, I am sure of it. 🙂

    2. Kelsie
      July 30, 2011 at 9:00 am

      This is beautiful. Good luck with your pregnancy and your life.

    3. jessica
      July 30, 2011 at 11:40 am

      this is so beautiful. enjoy your baby, and never forget your amazing husband. 🙂

    4. Andrew
      July 30, 2011 at 12:47 pm

      This is amazing. This reminded me of “A Walk To Remember.”

    5. carly
      July 31, 2011 at 1:29 pm

      Truely beautiful.

    6. Rachel
      July 31, 2011 at 7:17 pm

      I can not stop crying. Holy shit, this is beautiful. I hope I find someone who I love and who would love me like you loved your husband.

      …I am just so sorry for your loss..

    7. G
      July 31, 2011 at 7:34 pm

      Beautiful and touching. It shows an amazing strength. God bless you and your baby!

    8. Margaux
      August 3, 2011 at 8:20 am

      This just makes me cry. Youre lovely.

    9. Jeisha
      October 18, 2012 at 2:06 pm

      What are you having ?

    10. Always Rose
      October 20, 2012 at 1:07 am

      I just found this and the tears have poured from me. I lost my fiance unexpectedly from a heart attack almost 3 years ago… the week he proposed. From the stress of losing him my period was 2 weeks late and I prayed and prayed that the night I lost him he created a little bit of himself inside me. Alas, it was not meant to be for me. However, I think it is so beautiful that this has happened for you. Even though you are a stranger to me, I know without a shadow of doubt that your child will be the most loved child to ever bless someone’s life and I’m sure your husband is looking out for you daily and will be there with you when you give birth to your special miracle. Thank you so much for posting your story here…
      I know your intentions had nothing to do with those that would read it but I must tell you that you have touched my heart and that you and your beautiful child will always have a place in my prayers from here on out…
      Also, if you happen to receive comment notifications…. what Jeisha said… what are you having?

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