• I’ve lost my best friend.

    by  • July 29, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Heartbreak • 0 Comments

    It came outta no where. The past few days were great! Nothing felt different at all. And then you tell me “we need to talk”.

    “We’re going in different directions”, “It’s not working anymore”, “I still care for you”.

    The problem with that is, I still LOVE you. I always have since you first said it. You may not see you in my future, but i do. I want you there. I don’t want to live a life that you aren’t a part of. I’ve never felt so strongly for someone before. You were truly my best-best friend. Now, I simply feel lost. Completely, utterly, lost and alone.

    You say we can still be friends, but you act like it’s so awkward to be around me.

    I keep hoping I’ll wake up from this bad dream, and you’ll be laying next to me, snoring, with your arms wrapped tight around me.

    I know I’m leaving. But like you said before, “it’s ONLY 4 months.” If you’re scared, that’s fine, just tell me.

    You gave me no real reason. You’ve fallen out of love with me.

    This hurts more than I thought it would. Like there’s now a big gaping hole in my chest. It hurts to breathe. It hurts to cry, but I can’t stop crying. almost 3 hours straight now. Didn’t think it was possible to cry that long. Did you know it’s almost impossible to cry and yawn at the same time?

    I miss you. I miss the way you smell. I miss sitting next to you on the bed, both on our laptops trying to see who can stumble upon faster. I miss watching Doctor Who with you. I can’t watch it anymore, it just makes it hurt worse.

    You’ll never read this, unless I decide to send it to you one day, but, let’s be honest, I don’t have the balls for that.

    I want you back. I wish you wanted me back too. I want you to lose yourself in me like you used to. I want to have that anchor that you provide for me to keep me grounded.

    If I would’ve known this was gonna happen this way, I would’ve tried harder. Maybe I didn’t try hard enough. Maybe there was no way. I want there to be a way.

    I figured it would’ve been too good to be true. My mom loved you, my friends loved you, I LOVE you. I just wish there was something I could do.

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