Sometimes I have seconds, minutes, and sometimes even hours that I miss you. And sometimes, I have days. 24 hours that I spend, missing you. After dating for over two years, how could I not? I know I’m in a better spot then I was in when I was with you; I have someone who treats me like gold now and I honestly do love him. You were terrible to me 95% of the time… but that other 5% is what I go back to when I miss you. You were selfish, crude, and unreliable but, there are these days where I think back to those times where you weren’t.
My relationship now is 100% about each other. You and I were on a one-way street and that street was named after you. He is an amazing guy, and I honestly think you might like him. Actually, you probably wouldn’t. He’s personable, trust-worthy, and kind; everything that you never were. He wants to be with me all the time and have our time only be spent together. You never wanted to spend time with just me. We always had to be around other people, mostly your friends. If I’m not happy, he goes out of his way in the most generous and genuine ways to make sure that I am happy and its not with his parents money like you did. You tried to buy my happiness, and when you couldn’t make me happy, you said “fuck it.”
Your friends were my friends. We all hung out together and they loved me, and now most of them hate me because of the lies you told and the way you manipulated them. I understand that I broke up with you, but you and I both know I had plenty of legitimate reasons.. reasons that were so early in our relationship that I should have let you go over a year and a half ago. My friends hated you throughout our relationship, and you hated them.. but now you’re dating one of them? Someone who I thought was my friend, I guess. I suppose your manipulation tactics are quite the convincer. You’ve had multiple people stab me in the back by the lies you told, I hope you’re satisfied.
The text messages you sent me the night you saw me the first time with (who is now) my new boyfriend were the meanest words that I have ever had “spoken” to me. And then you had the audacity to ask me to come over the next day to have sex with you? If you ever thought I’d respond to either of those messages, you must be crazy. That’s such a bi-polar thing to do– like all the times you told me you’d kill yourself if I broke up with you. And like the time you told me you had cancer so that I would talk to you and feel sorry for you. I can’t feel sorry for someone who fakes the cancer my father had. I can’t feel sorry for anyone who fakes a sort of illness that kills people who do not need to be taken from us too quickly.
As I sit here and write this letter you’ll never know is to you, I wonder why I miss you. We haven’t spoken in almost two months, we’ve never gone this long without a word to each other. I can’t even think of the things that made me happy with you.. well maybe, when we were in your home town, and at my Debutante ball.. but the ball was a few months after we started dating, and I’ve only been home with you twice. And being home with you, I felt like it was an act for your parents to make them think you were good to me. Maybe, if you had treated me that way throughout our relationship, we’d still be together today.
I will always have a place for you in my heart, but my heart now belongs to someone else; someone who I’m sure I will end up with.
In all honesty, I hope you’re well. I hope you’re happy, healthy and maybe have learned something from our relationship and the dismay you claimed I put on your heart. How lucky I was to have someone who taught me more about myself through pain and heartbreak. “God puts the heaviest weight on the shoulders of the ones who can handle the burdens;” I thank God every day for you being apart of my life. I thank Him because of the things I learned from you, and I thank you as well.