You turned me down. I thought there was something there, but you said there was someone else. I understood, of course; she’s wonderful in every way. You apologized for leading me on. I said it was okay. I agreed with you.
But what happened then? I decided not to let that get in the way. I decided to be your friend, and you decided to be mine. We both could have gone our separate ways, and maybe then I would have healed. But you know what? I didn’t want to. If I couldn’t have you as a partner, I would have you as a friend, no matter the cost.
Then we became friends. You made me CD’s of all your favorite music. You let me tag along when you went to work because I didn’t have anyone to spend the day with. You let me keep you company at meals, even if neither of us talked. You asked me to write a song for you, and you tear up every time you listen to it. You stole my cell phone and refused to give it back so that I would have to spend the whole day with you. You let me rest my head on your shoulder when I was tired. You hugged me when I cried, even though I never told you why. You shared all your hopes and dreams and problems and listened to mine.
One day, you told me you loved me.
You’re going away soon. It’ll be quite a while before I see you again. And you know what I’m going to miss the most? Your voice. The way you sing. The way you say my name. The way you laugh. The way you ramble about your innermost thoughts and make them sound so profound. It’s the cadence at the end of a phrase and those little idiosyncrasies of speech that no one else can quite pull off like you do. Last Easter, you left a message on my phone when I didn’t pick up, and I keep it just so that I can replay that little snippet of you over and over and remember what it feels like. My heart jumps every time, because you were speaking to me.
You say you love me like a sister. I love you like the brother I never had. You are one of my best friends, one of the only people I feel totally comfortable with. We are just friends. But somewhere deep inside I still nurture the hope that someday we can be more.
I love you more than I’ll ever admit, and more than you’ll ever know.