• Friendship or more?!

    by  • July 28, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Confusion • 0 Comments

    I think of your smile every day. The way you said hello to me the first day that we actually met (: That was the day that my sister called you a hoodlum and i turned around and yelled at her for it. The smile has been placed on my face permanently when i see you, talk to you, text you, or even just simply hear your name. But then there is him. The one I love, the one that I never want to loose. And the more I think about him the more I think about you. Could it be that I am supposed to be with one of you? But which one, because my heart leads me back to him, but he’s told me that we can be nothing more then friends. I haven’t talked to you about any of this and I wish I had the nerve to actually send YOU this letter not a website XD , but life goes on. I want someones hand to hold but I can’t tell if it’s yours I want or if it’s his. It’s always been his for years until you came into my life and then my head AND heart got completely confused and mixed up. I love him. I like you. But maybe in the end it’s really you that i’m supposed to love. I’m scared because I’ve never been in a relationship and this is the most confusing thing that i feel i have ever had to go through. Not only confusing but also heartbreaking. Knowing that my love for him could be crumbling at my feet, but to him that would make a difference in his life, but would make a huge difference in mine. Plus that piece of my heart, that tiny piece he took away from me a year and a half ago, it won’t ever be replaced… until you or someone makes it whole again. You make me smile and you always know the right things to say but he, oh boy. He makes me laugh and smile. He knows how to help me through every little thing and he knows when to just leave me alone. He knows about almost my whole life when you don’t know nearly as much as he does. He is everything i have ever wanted and more, but i’m not what he wants. I am not sure if you want me either, i’m not sure you even know i feel the way i do about you. You always seem to care about how i feel and you seem like you really want to know the person i am, but sometimes i just can’t tell. YOU give me butterflies in my stomach and you make me feel wanted for the person that i am. Seeing HIM for even a second or driving by his house, It puts a smile on my face for hours. You are both completely unaware of the TRUE feelings I have for you. But to both of you. I love you. With all of my heart, yes I love both of you in different ways but in the same way all at the same time. I wish I had the nerve to send this to you, i just know deep down, it wouldn’t be okay. NOT YET </3

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