• thinking of you

    by  • July 27, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Thinking of you • 1 Comment

    I thought about you the other day, it was weird and random; At one point in the day a smell seemed familiar. I spent the entire day wondering what that specific smell meant to me, why did it seem so familiar, bring so much comfort, yet I could not remember what it was supposed to remind me of. That was until I was going to put perfume on and I saw the perfume you gave me while we were dating. Suddenly it all clicked, the smell I had smelt earlier that day was extremely similar to the perfume you had given me. Ever since then, I have been thinking of you. I pulled out my box of everything having to do with exes. I realized, the ex with the least amount of memories in my “memory” box was you, yet still you’re really the only ex I ever think “what if” about. We only dated for a few short months, you never gave me expensive jewelry, and we never had sex, but you’re still the one I care about. There have been a few guys since you, and I can honestly say material items, and sex do not make a relationship any better than the next. It’s the chemistry you share with someone. We had the most amazing chemistry ever, that’s why when you text me saying you miss me, or love me, I have to ignore them. I can’t take your calls, or hang out with you; It’s been almost 2 years now and I’m still thinking about you. I haven’t heard from you since Christmas, and I know I was a bitch, but I couldn’t hang out with you. How was I supposed to hang out with you for a few hours, and then leave a few weeks later and be over 9 hours away from you, and not seeing you for months at a time? I broke up with you because you went off to college several hours away, and I did not want to hold you back, I wanted you to be able to live, and achieve. I felt like you would be missing out on a whole chunk of life if you did long distance for a year and then transferred schools just to be with me. You would be giving up your dream, and living mine. I was worried you would grow bitter. They say if you love someone you have to let them go, and if it was really love they’ll come back to you. Well, you kept trying to come back, and I ignored you. I ignored you because I loved you, and still love you. You’ll always be the one that got away, the one that I’ll randomly think about. The guy who spent over $100 on jewelry, and the guy who took my virginity stand in no comparison to you. You will always stand out in my mind. I can only find 4 pictures of us, I have the perfume you gave me, the necklace, and the birthday card you gave me; my only memories. But I will probably always hold on to them, I know we had our difficult times, but they were so insignificant that I can’t remember them, I only remember the songs we listened to, the parking lot we went to, and how you always looked at the stars with me. I have the least amount of memories with you, but those memories are the ones that mean the most. Maybe one day fate will bring us together, and one will not have to sacrifice to be with the other, if so I know we will make it, but if not just know I will always love you, and you will always be my first love.

    One Response to thinking of you

    1. sarah
      July 27, 2011 at 5:49 am

      please send this, if only to explain to him why. He will appreciate the explanation.

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