I still remember a time when it didn’t take an effort to talk to you. When everything that you did filled me something positive, be it joy or warmth or love or laughter. When I felt so secure in your love that I didn’t go to fucked up lengths to get it. When I didn’t go so far in search of it that I wandered out of your affections and beat on the door to get back in.
I remember a time when life wasn’t this obstacle course to get through alone, but an adventure to take -with you-.
I remember when we sickened our friends with our adorakableness togetherness. Now I just use it as a chance to passive-aggressively trash you.
….I hate to think that everything I remember is over and done and gone and dust in the wind. All those mornings I woke up with you next to and pushed my head between your arms, cheek against your chest. All the goofy jokes and spontaneous mini-adventures that made my life a big adventure. Do you remember a time when it didn’t matter how tired we were, we’d still keep each other up talking, murmuring, mumbling in the dark? Moving close, touching, rubbing, kissing, making love (and life)…
I know you still love me. I know I don’t deserve you. I know I haven’t for a long time. I know I’ve spat in your face, hit you while you’re down, taken advantage of you, and treated you like I hated you. I know, I know, I know.