This will be the second letter I have written to you. Nothing has changed between us, per se, but my whole perception of our entire fucked up situation has. Everyone knows. We know they know. We know that we know. But neither of us wants to do anything about it.
And I get why. It would be too hard on us both, because a relationship would mean a lot, and being so far apart from the very beginning would just be too painful. And I understand that waiting is really the only sensible option in this case. I just don’t want to.
You know that I really really hate hockey? You know that I didn’t actually feel all that old around your sister’s friends, I just wanted to talk to you for a little bit longer? I added that night to our history, I placed it in our museum of near-misses, where we were both talking about one thing but meaning something completely different.
And I was trying to tell you that I didn’t really want to be with him, I was just tired of being alone and he was already interested in me. I hurt him, mostly because it wasn’t right between he and I, but also because I wanted to be with you.
I hate how embarrassed I get around you, and I hate even more that it comes out as arrogance. I’m really not like that. I just want you to think I’m amazing and deserving of someone like you.
Believe me, I know that there is no possible way that you can be perfect. I’ve seen some of your flaws, and they just make me want to get to know all of them, all of you. I hope to whatever deity that may be listening that you do the same.
Selfish as it is, that is one of the wishes nearest to my heart, perhaps the least likely, perhaps the most desperate.
Your sister thinks we should get together, and I believe her. She said something about me missing you, but that is quite frankly impossible.
It’s not possible to miss that which you have never had.
You’re just a daydream away, I wouldn’t know what to say if I had you. And I’ll keep you a day dream away, just watch from a safe place so I never have to lose.