I remember being younger and hearing about all those women on the news that would go back to their abusive boyfriends or husbands, and sitting there thinking “How stupid. How can these women want to be with a man who so clearly isn’t worthy of them?”
And now I’m one of them. It’s so much scarier and more complicated than I ever thought. Especially because he isn’t my husband or boyfriend. He’s just my friend. My best friend. And I truly don’t know how to live without him. He’s always been so present in my life that when he wasn’t I just didn’t know what to do with myself. I know it’s not healthy or normal for someone to be as controlling as you are, but I became accustomed to it. Like I don’t know what to do unless you’re telling me what.
And I honestly do think this time could be different. That this time we won’t spiral out of control. That we won’t have to call the cops and talk about restraining orders. Because I love you, after everything, I do. And you truly do seem different. I have so much faith in you. Please don’t break it.
I love you. But I’m so scared