You were the best thing that could have possibly ever happened to me. Someone who loved me no matter what; no matter how much I pushed you away. You knew about my DID, my past depression, my suicide attempts, my everything that would have sent anyone else running. But you stood strong with me and said that you didn’t care. That you would help me. That you believed in me. That you loved me. You were the most wonderful person. Absolutely perfect.
And then I met Sam. Who was dangerous. Who was wrong for me. Who was mean. Who stole me from you. She literally came to visit me and stole me away. For three weeks I didn’t care about anything but her. The sex, the dangerous, how wrong it was. Everyone that knew me and you said I was crazy; I was throwing away the best thing in the world. But I didn’t care. I wanted something wrong, I wanted to escape our relationship, I wanted to forget that I could be happy (because I didn’t deserve it; I didn’t deserve you).
And now she has left me. She went to Florida with Alex. Without even telling me. She was just gone. And with out her to distract me, the pain of sending you away hit. Hard. Every moment I ache. I want you back, I want you to forgive me, I want you to come back to me, I want a family with you, I want a future with you, I want to hold you again, I want to fall asleep with at my back and wake up with tangled in my arms. I want, I want, I want.
But I can never have you back. Because Sam has made that impossible. Ha. Why do I continue to lie to myself? Sam tempted me. But I should have resisted. And because I didn’t, I’ve lost you forever. The one person who ever loved me.
So if you read this, know that I’m sorry for being so cruel. And that I’m waiting for you, I’ll always wait for you. When I said I feel in love with you at first sight, I didn’t lie. I never lied to you.
I love you.