you know what? guess.
wait, don’t. because you won’t get it right. you don’t know that i miss you more than anything, even though you haven’t even left yet. but it still feels like it because you don’t care about me anymore. i’m not the one you come to with your problems anymore, i’m not the one who makes you smile. she does, and it kills me. i waited for you, i wanted you, and you knew it. you told me you cared, and you never stopped loving me, but guess what? i’m not falling for your sick little love games anymore. i got smart to those too soon. i wish we could go back to being just friends like you apperently think we are and it doesn’t matter anymore, but i just can’t get over it. how you don’t want me anymore and that you’re moving on, even though i still love you. the other thing is that i know that we could never be the same, we don’t mix like that. we only hurt each other. only i love the pain. i enjoy the misery you bring me because i know that even if you’re hurting me, tearing new scars in my heart that will never completely heal, i know that you still need me. you hurt me because you love me. i need you to need me again. i miss the times i’d randomly get a phone call or a text that would make me so sad, because you were. then i’d hold your voice close and assure you everything would be fine. you would thank me, tell me you loved me and thank you for being your best friend. but when i said i loved you i meant it, i didn’t say it because you were my best friend like i was to you. and it kills me that now as i’m spilling my heart out to you (even though you’ll never see this) that i have to use past tense because we fell apart. i finally have to tell myself that you don’t want me anymore, you don’t need me, you don’t love me. were just friends, and not even close ones. every word is a new burn of pain to me to write, a new burden, but i have to admit this to myself, to you. i need to move on, even though it seems impossible. even though i’ll keep missing you for a long time, i’m getting stronger and eventually i won’t miss you. i just really really want you to know that i still miss you cadrin. you either will always love someone, or never did. and trust me, i loved you. one more thing. i’m taking this necklace off. i’m easing you away from my skin, and letting you go. to be honest, it looks beautiful sitting on the rocks in the river. a little golden heart in the sunlight. i’m letting go.