• What if…

    by  • July 23, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Miss You • 0 Comments

    When I first met you, I wasn’t looking for anyone, wasn’t looking for anything, and I definitely wasn’t looking to fall in love. It didn’t matter what I was or wasn’t looking for, because it happened anyway. After becoming much closer throughout the semester, summer came and I moved 1000 miles away to come back home and that distance seems fairly short compared to the distance that appeared between us.

    Coming back to school after summer, we tried to act like nothing changed, but everything was different. Then came that day in September when I decided that our thing, whatever our thing was, wasn’t working out and I left everything behind, or tried to at least. But leaving you physically was much easier than stopping loving you has been. It’s been almost a year now since we went our separate ways and I still think about you almost every day. I’m fairly certain you will be my “what if” girl for the rest of my life and that hurts more than I ever expected it to.

    We seem to be slowly trying to pick up the pieces of what used to be, but I’m still scared to talk to you too much, scared that you have moved on more than I have, scared that you have moved on just as much as I have, scared of getting back together, just plain scared.

    I guess what I’m trying to say is, I miss you more than anyone or anything and would give everything just to see your smile and hear your voice again and to just hold your hand or put my arm around you just one more time, and that I’m sorry for how things have turned out. It’s not totally my fault, we both made mistakes, but I was still the one who walked away from us and for that I am truly sorry. I hope with some more time, you can forgive me. I hope with some more time, I can forgive me.

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