• Phase One

    by  • July 23, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Disappointment • 1 Comment


    This morning I deleted your phone number. It’s the first step in making this end of a friendship a successful break. I won’t lie and say that I don’t still have your number because I do. Only now it is on my computer, so if I want to text you it is not nearly as easy.

    I’m proud of myself for doing this. Any other time I have tried I simply can’t bring myself to do it. But you know what this time I’m doing it and making it work. I’ve also started to restrict what you can see on facebook. I know that I can’t delete you from there yet. I’m still hoping that in the next two weeks you actually send a text. I know you won’t you haven’t for three weeks. But I like holding on and torturing myself.

    That’s a lie. I hate it. I hate so much that you haven’t cared. That you haven’t messaged. And I finally hate it enough that I’m doing something about it. It sucks. I think about you everyday. We had a friendship that I have only experienced 3 other times, but I can’t keep waiting for your text, and I can’t keep making it seem alright that I’m the only one making an effort, so I have to start making the effort to end it.

    If you really cared Matt you would have made it known, but of course you haven’t. It hurts. I’m going to get over it though. I wish I didn’t have to. I wish I could share my law school experiences with you. I wish that you didn’t take so much energy, that I was more sure of our friendship, but since I’m not this is what has to be done.

    I’m not happy with my decision. I hate it, and in turn hate you. I wish you would message me so I could yell and scream and make you see that this isn’t my fault. I know you think it is. I know you think it’s a pattern that I have, but this time you are wrong. I’m not coming back. I’m not going to crack, and when I think I am I am going to talk to Ashley and Megan, and they will remind me why I did it, and it will be worth it. I hope.

    2 more weeks… you will of course waste it.


    One Response to Phase One

    1. Tara
      July 23, 2011 at 2:19 pm

      Stay strong. Cutting connections is the hardest. You are a smart girl and are willing to heal and move on. Have no regrets, only life lessons. Keep pushing ahead..someone out there truly deserves you. Cry a river, then build a bridge.

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