• Far too proud

    by  • July 23, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Miss You • 1 Comment

    Sometimes, loathed as I am to admit it, I wonder if you ever think about me the way I think about you. Whenever something funny happens, I wish I could tell you; whenever something big happens to me, it feels weird that you don’t know. I would like to still be in your life. Not as your girlfriend maybe, but as a person who means something.

    But you had to cut me out of your life, you did everything you could to keep me away. You spread lies, said cruel things about me to people you could be sure would tell me, turned people against me, made out with my so called best friend; anything to get me to stop caring.

    I didn’t, you know. Stop caring, that is. Yet, I’m far too proud to tell you that. I’m too proud to admit that after months I’m still missing you. I’m too proud to admit that I’m human and I can be broken; least of all by someone like you. I’m too proud to admit that you fooled me like you did with every other girl, even though I knew better all along. I’m too proud to admit that I have become just another girl captured and slain by the school’s ultimate player

    Most of all, I’m too proud to allow anyone to realize that I still love you. No one would even guess that I think about you, much less care. I worry about you, I am always hoping that your family situation has improved and that your father has stopped trying to contact you. I worry that all the meaningless hookups are leaving you feeling empty (although the bitter side of me hopes they ARE leaving you feeling empty; serves you right, you know.) I worry that you’re lonely or that you feel like you have to hide your vulnerable side. I worry that you’re not okay.

    And yet I also hope for just that. That you have realized how good you had it with me. How you made a huge mistake.

    But I’m too proud to tell anyone this, much less you.
    And I’m certainly too proud to post it on the internet for everybody to read.
    Which is why, if by some strange twist of fate, you read this letter: I will be sure to inform you that I couldn’t possibly be the writer.

    I’m far too proud.

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    One Response to Far too proud

    1. Yelena R.
      July 23, 2011 at 10:57 pm

      I read this and smiled. My first kiss, my first heart break, was made by the school “player”. He dated so many girls, including me. He lived in the bad parts or town and I always worried about him. I always watched him from a distance and I always had his back. Nobody would ever know, except for my close friends, that I wanted him. Everyone thought he could never be “good enough” for me. It’s sucks loving someone who will never know.



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