-I’m assuming most of this pain will have subsided.
-I will probably have forgiven you, even though it was difficult and emotional.
-You will have come back.
-I will have tried, unsuccessfully, to move on.
-I will still love you, regardless of my attempts to hate you.
-I will have slept with my ex, because I debated getting back with him.
-You will never know any of the above statement because I will not have told you anything.
-I will have cried myself to sleep more times than you can make up for completely.
-I will have lied to my friends about what really happened between us.
-I still will not understand why you decided you needed to find yourself all of a sudden.
-Sleep will be rare and infrequent.
-I will still be supportive of the reasons you left, even if I don’t understand them.
-You will still say you love me.
-I will be unsure of where we stand.
I know all this because it’s our story. It’s happened before, it’s going to happen again. Count me the fool, but I still think we can make it work. I tell myself it’s because of your military training, but it’s killing me inside. I hate waiting for you, but I always will. You bring out my best, and when you leave me out in the cold, I find my worst, and you won’t see any of it. You see me, being supportive, and I will continue to be confused and at a loss as to what I should do: move on, or stay here, because one is what I feel like you want me to do, and the other is what I know you want me to do. Push and pull, push and pull. Call me Bungee, not Panda.
I’m lost in your signals.