• To my former partner in crime

    by  • July 22, 2011 • Moving On • 0 Comments

    I thought i knew you, in fact i was almost certain i knew everything about you. When we where children growing up i looked up to and took everything you said to heart. You where my swing pusher, my Nintendo boss slayer, my secret keeper, my advice giver, my tech support but above all else you where my big brother and i adored you for a time. We endured hell together after dad got ill and we were forced to put up with the drama that entailed. It wasn’t easy going from having everything we could ever have needed to broken promises and living out of motels and welfare for me either. So how dare you behave as if you where the only one affected by it, it’s all a part of life. Others have had it worse and they learn to appreciate what they are given. Enduring hardships in life does not entitle you to treating others the way you have. Least of all the only person that has had your back your entire life. I lived it too, i am emotionally damaged from it as well but i chose to get help and i still hope that you will seek out help and stop lashing out and hurting those that love you, it is more painful to know you are unable to come to terms with events that took place in the distant past. If you are ashamed you should be, your behavior is disgusting and yes that is coming from “the dirty whore cunt” which fyi i have been called worse and words can’t break me, but good effort. I don’t pretend as if i wasn’t a terrible person at one point during my juvenile adolescence, i dropped out (so did you) i drank and did drugs (so did you) i had premarital relations (so did you) i did things i regret (so have you) but i have come to terms with the person i was and i have grown up and learned from my mistakes and poor decisions. I am not a drug addled, angry seventeen year old anymore, and i shouldn’t have to apologize to you for you to know how sorry i am for what happened in the past but if you expect me to be the person i was before i went through for lack of a better term that “phase” you will be waiting for the rest of the duration of your lifetime. People cannot go back in time Nor can they be expected to. They can only proceed forward and hope to be able to utilize and benefit from their experiences and apply what they have learned towards making future decisions that do not in turn end in the same or similar results. This is very basic stuff so why do you insist on treating me as if i am incapable of learning and maturing as would any other individual, That kind of treatment whether intentional or not is hurtful especially when i have never judged you as harshly as you have criticized me over the course of the past 6 years, what basis do i have to make such a wild accusation you may wonder,our mother has told me everything you have ever said behind my back and yet still i have tried to maintain some sort of relationship. Yet apparently nothing i do is quite right and you are always able to find something wrong with my current choices and lifestyle however instead of saying something to me you choose to speak behind my back so for this reason and more i have decided to end our relationship but not before i get a few things off of my chest. When we where teenagers and you told everyone that every word that came out of my mouth was a lie i was informed within a day by mutual peers and yet a few weeks later when another peer insulted you i defended you why because unlike you i protect my own and do not spread lies about them. When i was sexually assaulted and i confided in you i am aware that you didn’t believe me and said that i deserved it i would just like to say f%$# you and that you are a pompous arrogant pig for that. When i lost my child and you blamed me for it even though you where informed of the circumstances surrounding the situation i accepted that you may be angry and upset by the situation however i assumed that when you had a child of your own you may understand the situation from a broader perspective however that you still blame me and refuse to recognize that i made the right decision in that instance to take him to the hospital and that i would do so again even if it meant losing him and that as a parent yourself you are unable to grasp that his safety was my top concern is sickening and your narrow minded view of the situation is disgusting what is even more sickening is that when you and your partner became pregnant and you expected me to give you my child’s things because i had held on to them and they were as you put it “just gathering dust” and we came to an agreement that you would purchase the items for $400 and instead of saying that you didn’t think the items where “good enough quality” even though they where brand new and the majority of them were still in the packages instead of mentioning anything though given a multitude of opportunities you chose to put it off and avoid discussing other arrangements with me resulting in what i will refer to as “what thrust the metaphorical final nail in to the coffin” for me. Your disrespect is appalling when i have done nothing to you to deserve it. You are not the person i grew up with, that i taught to read in the hallway when i was 3 years old, that i spent countless hours interacting and playing with growing up. You are not the brother than used to defend me when others tried to hurt me. You are unrecognizable and your lying, manipulating, selfishness, arrogance, misogynistic, egotistical, hypocritical, chauvinistic, racist, prejudice, ruthless, greedy behavior is not going to be tolerated by me any longer. I refuse to be treated that way, period, end of story. Unless you receive psychological treatment i will never want you in my life again. The above mentioned withstanding i still love you, you are my brother my former partner in crime and regardless of what has taken place i will always love you but i do not want someone that treats me the way you do and thinks so little of me in my life. Take care of yourself and for your own sake please consider getting help for your underlying issues.

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