• To My Ex..Best Friend

    by  • July 22, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Heartbreak • 0 Comments

    You and I were friends for years. I secretly had a crush on you since the 7th grade and not even my closest friends knew because I didn’t want one of them to slip and tell you.

    Freshman year rolled around and we were texting each other. You wanted to play truth or dare and I said I couldn’t do dares because my family was asleep and I didn’t want to wake anyone up or do something stupid. You said that we could just play a truth game, little did I know that this was going to turn into a mainly sexual truth game. I was surprised you were asking me such personal questions, but I went with it until you asked a question I was not comfortable with, so I said I couldn’t answer it. You said it was fine and we moved on.

    Little happened between then and senior year. I helped you and your family move to a new home the fall of our senior year and your family made me feel like I was a part of your family and I really liked how that felt. Later in the fall I went hundreds of miles away for a competition. I was gone for a whole week, but we still texted each other every day even though you had a (no offense) crazy girlfriend. We decided that we should be best friends because we had been through quite a lot during the past couple months and we were getting closer every day that passed.

    I remember that night quite well. The night that I finally got the courage to tell you how I felt about you. After weeks of my family and friends telling me to just let you know how I felt before we went off to college so it wasn’t a “What if..?” kind of thing years down the road. I had denied liking you to your face (which I kind of regret) because I freaked out sitting on your bed when you said my sister had said that I liked you and asked if it was true.

    This night will probably stay with me for the rest of my life. It was the night after Thanksgiving and we were of course texting each other because we were always talking. At this point you and your girlfriend were over and I said something about I’ve been wanting to tell you something but I didn’t know how to say it. After some encouragement from you to just go ahead and say it, I said, “Ok. I like you. Like more than a friend..” The response I got from you wasn’t quite what I expected because at this point I had been thinking for awhile that you liked me the same way. “Oh” Not exactly what you want to see after telling someone how you feel about them. But, after an hour or so, you admitted to liking me too. I was on cloud nine. I was so happy!

    But, something was holding you back from asking me out. That stupid question from freshman year. Being I wouldn’t answer it, you felt like I couldn’t trust you. I trusted you completely, which you don’t know. I said I didn’t even remember the question, trying to avoid it, but you remembered. So, in a desperate attempt to make things right, I played that stupid game until one a.m. answering every question you asked.

    Two weeks later, after not getting any indication from you that we were going to be more than friends, I asked you if I needed to know where I stood with you so that I could know whether or not I needed to move on or wait. You said that you thought it would be best for me to move on because you didn’t feel the same way about me anymore and you didn’t want to start anything before college, remember that? I was hurt, but being that’s what you wanted, I was going to move on.

    A week or so later, I actually got my acceptance letter to the same college that you were going to. I swear I didn’t apply there just because you were, but it’s because it’s what I wanted. You were happy for me, but we still were just friends.

    We continued to talk all the time and you started saying things to me that friends wouldn’t say to each other if they were of opposite sexes. These kind of things were making it hard for me to move on, so I said I thought it would be best if we stopped talking for awhile to give me the chance to move on, after hesitation on your part, you agreed. A week from this conversation (and no talking to each other) it was Christmas vacation. The second day of break I find out you’re dating some sophomore girl, who is known to be around the block if you get what I mean. I was so hurt from this and I don’t think you’ll ever understand what that did to me.

    Here I am, going on two years later, and I’m still not completely over it, and this really makes me angry. What you did, my BEST friend, scarred me. I hope that you soon realize that she’s changed you and it’s not a good change. How many of your own friends from high school do you talk to anymore? I know you’ve left a couple of your best friends behind like we were just garbage that could be easily disposed of. I don’t hate you, even though I really wish I could. I just miss the friendship that we had and I truly believed that we were going to end up together, maybe forever, but who knows? All I want from you is an apology for what you did. It won’t make everything go back to the way it was, but I think that it could help me move on and actually trust guys again. Even though I don’t talk to you anymore, you still make it impossible for me to move on completely.

    Leave a Reply