• Letters I’ll never send, to people who probably wouldn’t read them if I did. (Four.)

    by  • July 22, 2011 • Acceptance • 0 Comments

    You know, I’ve been with my fair share of guys. Of the few I’ve ever considered a boyfriend? You were the longest ‘relationship’ I ever had.

    I knew from the beginning we wouldn’t work out, did you know that? You were so young. So fucking young.

    Hell, we both were. I was definitely no better.

    We got together before you turned into…well, honestly? Whatever the hell it is you are now.

    Long curly dark haired metal head. Trying to recall memories of things we said to each other proves hard. It was so long ago.

    “Thank you, ma’am.”
    “Uh..don’t fucking call me ma’am…you’re probably older than me…”

    But it happened quickly, you changing…right before my eyes and I didn’t even see it.

    The chunky, shy boy, swiftly changing into a hard-shelled…well…thug.

    We got into some shit together, didn’t we?

    Arrested twice.

    I am still pissed you threw that ring.

    As fucked up as I remember us being? Well…we were together for a year and a half. That means something. That means even though I may not remember many of the good times, they had to have been there, for us to last.

    And as fucked up as you treated me? And the things you lied about? I have to admit, I fucked up a lot too. And that sucks. But I’m sorry.

    I never cheated on you though, despite you always thinking that I was.

    Though, you were malicious toward the end. But in any case, as mad as I am, I can’t hate you too much for any of it. You made me who I am now. You were the person who was with me through the biggest change in my life. Watching you grow up, while I was growing up.

    God we were so fucked up.

    I never thought I’d stop caring about you. I told a lot of people I didn’t, for a very long time before it came true. Every once in a while I’ll hear your name. It used to make my stomach turn. Now, it doesn’t even phase me. The words, “I don’t really care..” come out of my mouth before I could even feel anything anyway.

    I don’t have any ill feelings toward you, at all. But I really don’t give a fuck.

    I wasn’t surprised to hear that you went to jail.

    I was very surprised to hear who you’re dating now. Threw me for a loop. I like her. I liked her before you started dating. I guess now you’re engaged? That’s cool. You don’t deserve her though. You’re going to hurt her like you do all of them.

    But, I digress.

    It’s over now, and I’m free. I have been for so much time. Years. Incredible.

    Good luck.

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