this pulling away is going to be hard. but it will be worth it. it’s so difficult to explain what is going on in my scheming mind. but basically this is what’s happening:
if i act as though i don’t want to hang out with him and i don’t care then maybe he will start to give me the attention i want.
it’s manipulative. and bitchy.
but i think it will work. he talks about how this girl didn’t like him and he didn’t just give up he kept trying.
i want to see how hard he’ll try.
so far, he doesn’t seem to be trying hard at all. and i don’t know. i don’t think he’s going to try very hard. i’ve never been all that special to him.
but i love him. and i want to feel for a second that i mean a lot.
this is a test. and if he fails then i guess i will be going to bright eyes with someone else.