• I’m healing.

    by  • July 22, 2011 • Moving On • 0 Comments

    About a year and a half ago it all started, January 16th 2010.
    We started dating, you asked me to meet you at the mall with my friend tina.
    I thought, oh he’s a cutie i was 14 years old, you were 16.
    I told you to come over, i cleaned my room like never before and i never thought for a second what i was getting myself into.
    You came over, we took pictures you smelt so good. On my you kissed me a few times you made me feel so pretty and so happy so confident.
    We talked all night, things were going perfect. AFTER 2 months of dating, the fighting started about just about everything they’re was to talk about, we fought about.
    You started threatening me if i didn’t change you were going to break up with me, My friends hated me for spending so much time with you. Everyone said you were cheating, said i was cheating.
    One night, i snuck out with your best friend…Bradley.
    He was venting about his girlfriend to me, and i was giving him advice about her, Of course me 14 year old non-committed i liked him, i thought he was adorable, dimples, his smile, his hair was perfect, He smelled good.
    He kissed me, and it felt right and he didn’t stop.
    we met on the hills next to the pool
    we sat on his board.
    He liked my jeans.
    and we made out
    for hours.
    and he layed on top of me
    and told me i was beatiful
    beautiful*
    He said, he waned to be with me
    And i told him no
    and i told my friend.
    and she told everyone.
    He hated me after that.
    He cheated on his girlfriend,and i cheated on my boyfriend.
    “HE” treated me like shit.
    took my “Virginity” and two weeks later left me
    He called me and said he’d miss me ever now and again, we’d flirt like old times. He once gave me a ring, just to satisfy me and i took it i bought that whole act of his for a entire year.
    But once summer hit, i stoped. we stoped talking, he started dating people i hated. He was what everyone called the “Virginity Taker”
    I started meeting guys on the internet, trying to boost my self esteem
    they asked for sex, and i thought well i already gave my virginity what the hell does it mean to me now, ..Nothing.
    So i did it, a new guy ever other night. about 10 guys. Every other night i’d meet them outside my house and we’d drive somewhere fuck i’d get ciggerates and budd,..everything i could get my hands on, I’d get plastered out of my mind.
    I never thought until now I’d regret it as much as i did.
    A few months went by, September came and i attempted suicide and ended up in a Mental Hospital. I only survived because a good friend of my called the police, i tied myself up put a bad on my hands and attempted drowned, My bathtub was filling with my arms blood and i remember the cops breaking through the door. Pulling me out, my cloths felt heavy and i felt dead i felt like a complete zombie. My parents got a divorced 2 days after i got out. It took about two weeks to start sneaking out again
    I met another guy on Facebook, he told me he has tried suicide over and over and went to the same place i went.
    I met up with him after a week of talking on Facebook at the mall i was with my dad and brother this time so i could leave when i felt UN-conferrable. But it was weird i liked him, he was like me. Bad relationships – suicide- no parents – no real happiness. IT well for a day or two and he started beating me, hitting me, but he’d sell my medications for money and i could buy more drugs.More better,pills.
    I dumped him after a month of taking his shit.
    And today, i stand happy confident and innocent just like i was a year and a half ago.
    I am engaged, 15 and half, and living with the love of my life.
    I’m glad i left you, and did all the things i did to make it to where i am today, and, i plan on marrying him, Evan. The best thing. That ever, happend to me.

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