• I just realized i’ve been wasting my time

    by  • July 22, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Jealousy • 0 Comments

    I miss you. But not that you care. I don’t think you ever felt the same way about me, as i did, and do, about you. I liked you. Maybe even loved you. But we wont get into that quite yet.

    We met through my best friend. You dated her for a long time, and i watched you two go through everything imaginable. I watched you get in fights, and make up. I even watched her cheat on you, and you forgive her. You were too good for her, but i had no say in anything. I was just the middle person. The one who was friends with you both, and tended not to take sides. I was the one who both of you came to when you had a problem with the other one. I remember nights when i would stay up till 2 on the phone with you talking just about HER. It never bothered me. I was just happy to talk to you, and help.

    Then, we started talking more and more. And more.. The next thing i knew you were single. I had no clue what your intentions were when you started talking to me. I just thought we were still friends. I didn’t think you would make the mistake of going for a girl 4 years younger then you TWICE. I just thought you needed someone to talk to.

    Then i learned. I realized that you LIKED me. And i liked you. OH GOD. what had i gotten myself into? There was no way i was going to take my best friend’s guy. There is no way that i was going to date this guy that could DRINK when i could barely drive. It was so wrong, on so many levels. But, i couldn’t stop. I talked to you, i giggled when you called me sweetheart or lovely. I let myself fall in to a hole.

    For a very long time, i was exactly what you were looking for. But then, i let jealousy take over. Every time you would put a Facebook status about a girl, or tell me about someone you met that was pretty, i would get mad at you. I would let the green monster get the best of me. And in the end, that’s what killed us i think. You weren’t looking for that. And i wasn’t either, but that’s what i let myself become. Some crazy monster, just because i wouldn’t know what to do with myself if i lost you. But now, i’m forced to face the thing that i didn’t want to all along. What i thought would save me, in the end did exactly what i didn’t want it to.

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