So, I realised at an ungodly hour this morning, that while you’ve given me reasons for why you love me and why I make you happy, I’ve never done the same. The reason for this is that, while I may be a poet, articulating how I feel isn’t really easy for me; it’s always easier to write. So, here I go.
There are multiple reasons why I love you and I’d be here until this time (6.34am) tomorrow trying to list them all out. Therefore, I’ll only go with the main ones. You’re an incredibly sweet guy; it’s the little things you do that remind me of this every day. You’re caring and thoughtful and you let me know that you’re there, I can only hope that you realise I’m there for you too. You’re so easy to be around, I don’t feel like I have to pretend around you, I can actually be myself. It’s rare for me to feel like that around someone, but with you…. I never felt like I had to be something I wasn’t. From the moment I met you I was comfortable around you, it’s strange to me but it’s true.
You’re you. It doesn’t sound like much, but it’s incredibly unusual to meet someone who isn’t afraid to voice their opinions and who doesn’t allow other’s words to sway them. It’s admirable and while it can be a little intimidating when you get going, it’s also rather appealing. I haven’t mentioned yet that you’re also an incredible combination of ‘cute’ and ‘sexy’. I don’t know how you manage to do it, I really don’t. You’re adorable, but in a very masculine way. I love it. Also, you’re pretty damn good in bed, which is always a plus. Overall though, you make me feel like I don’t need to be anyone other than who I am all quirks and mood-swings included and to me that feels, right.
I’ve had multiple people ask me how long we’ve been together and every single time I’ve said “a month” they’ve been shocked. Anyone who doesn’t know us well is convinced we’ve been together for at least a year, if not two. Each time I’ve heard that, I’ve been so happy and proud to hear it because to me that means we’ve already reached a stage where we’re comfortable around each other (not to mention we can go out in public without being all over each other). The fact that I’m already so comfortable around you is a feat I can’t stress, I’ve been in relationships for months where I haven’t felt this comfortable around the person I was dating. You should be proud of yourself.
I suppose the biggest thing, and one of the ways I can at least try to explain, how I feel about you is to explain how I feel when you talk about relationships you’ve had in the past. It doesn’t bother me, I mean I’d be a fool to be bothered about what’s happened in the past (it’s not like you can change it) but any time I hear you say “this one girl” or “one of my ex’s” I realise that I don’t want to be “that girl” or “that ex”. It actually hurts more to think that you would ever be able to talk about me like that to someone than it does to hear you talk about any other relationship, because I don’t want that to happen. Okay so we’ve only really been going out for a few weeks, but I know how I feel and, well, this is it.
I realise I’ve probably done a lot of rambling and some of this probably makes no sense to you, but I just needed to say it. I love you, Sean O’Brien and I want you to know that every single day. The thought of not having you around isn’t something that I particularly enjoy. I know you’re going off to join the Marines and I have no intention of stopping you, hell even if I could I wouldn’t, because I know that it’s what you want and if it’s what you want then it’s okay with me. Knowing me (and unless something catastrophic happens) I’ll probably still be here when you get back. Or I’ll be waiting somewhere for you, because that’s who I am and that’s how much I care.
Just being with you makes me happy and every minute I’m away from you gets lonelier than the last, but it’s worth it knowing that I’ll get to see you again. There are nights when I want nothing more than to just lie in bed with you and talk, nothing else (though there are nights when other things wouldn’t be laughed at). Just being near you is enough for me, knowing that you’re there automatically brings a smile to my face. If I ever seem upset around you, I promise it’s not you. If there’s something bothering me, I will tell you, sometimes you just have to let me find the words first.
That’s why I wrote this, because I couldn’t say aloud what I’ve wanted to say for a while now. But I guess I’ve said it:
I love you.
The words alone could never explain how much, but I’ve given it my best shot.
(It is now 7.21am, I’m going to sleep)
Again; I love you baby.