I’m saying goodbye.
And no, not “goodbye, I’m just taking a break and will run right back to you like always.” I mean, “goodbye, you’ll never hear from me again.”.
I know you’ll read this and try and tell me that I’m overreacting as usual.
Or that I’m not strong enough.
But I’m hear to tell you that, that person is dead. And has been for a while now.
And this new, stronger, better person I am has a few words to say, that the old me could never stutter out to you..
I did love you. So much. And no matter what anyone tells me, you’ll always be that first young love. But, you hurt me.
You broke and mangled, DESTROYED me. Do you remember what I was like before? Innocent, confident… happy. And you stole those traits from me, for a very long time. You made me experience things at 14 that no kid should have to deal with. You made me see the evil in this world before I was ready for it.
And to this day, I’m still wondering what snapped in you to do this to me.
Maybe I’ll never know.
But whatever the reason, how DARE you do this to me. You made me do drugs and drink..
You tried to SELL my virginity to a man so that you could get your next fix. You and I both know you didn’t get away with that, and I remain overjoyed that you never got THAT from me. But what possessed you to even try? Even more important, what possessed me to stay after?
You not only destroyed my sense of security and self-worth, but you annihilated my self-esteem. Remember those nights you were so strung out on heroin and booze? Probably not. But I TOOK CARE OF YOU. I kept you from destroying yourself while you were busy doing it to me. All the things you’d say. I’ve never heard in my life a person spit such mean, disgusting words to a person.
“Why don’t you just kill yourself? It’d make my life easier.”
“Everyone hates you. I’m all you’ve got.”
“I can’t wait for you to mess up.. Then I can fuck every girl in this town without hearing you whine.”
“Why don’t you blow some more guys you fucking slut?”
Did it feel good to say that to me? DID IT? To make me feel like COMPLETE garbage for doing NOTHING to you? Because that disturbing, grin on your face told me it did.
As if saying that to me and hurting my feelings was enough.. You had to hurt me physically too.
I’m not only emotionally scarred from you, but physically.
That huge gash up my leg, that you cut because I “disrespected” you in front of your friends will ALWAYS be there. It was so deep it’d take plastic surgery to get it removed. Why did you do that? Why couldn’t we just talk it out? Why did you go straight to hurting me?
You convinced me that I’ll never be good enough, you said it yourself. But now I’m here to set the record straight…
I AM GOOD ENOUGH.
PEOPLE DO LOVE ME.
I DON’T NEED YOU.
and I CAN FIND SOMEONE BETTER.
We’ve been separated not speaking for 10 months now. And it took a while but I can say those things about myself and mean it. I dumped you that October night and it was the most liberating moment of my life. I am FREE. And do you know what the best part was?
How much I realized I DON’T need you and how much YOU need me.
All those e-mails where you’re literally begging for me back, that I never answered to. I just laughed at how miserable you were and kept going.
The fake Facebook page you made to try and contact me?
I never answered to those, and if I see more… I’ll do the same.
You’re dead to me.
Just like the girl you broke and the girl you created.
But the woman I became will continue living her life.
Happy. Confident. Beautiful life.
I hope someday you can be happy, but until then; feel free to be miserable remembering the best woman you ever came in contact with, hates you.