• you let me go.

    by  • July 20, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Betrayal, Letting Go • 0 Comments

    Dear Boy,

    I first met you when you asked me to help you get with my friend’s sister. You’d pull me aside at break and ask me if she’s said anything. You’d text me 24/7 explaining how you feel about her. You’d pass me notes in class, asking about what she’s said. You called me when she broke your heart. She told you to leave her alone – that you don’t have a chance. You said you loved her, and you didn’t know if you’d get over her. I told you I’d take you to a community dance to get your mind of off her. We never did go, but we turned it into a inside joke. You eventually got over her and moved on. You moved on from me to.

    The next year, we became friends again. Close friends. You knew every little thing about me, my times of the month, my pet peeves, my flaws, insecurities, everything. I knew a lot about you too. We were open with each other. And that’s why I put our friendship in danger by telling you about my feelings. I told you that you were like no other boy, that you were different, that you’re always there for me, that it doesn’t bother you what I’ve been through. You made me feel special. When you didn’t text back for over an hour I was crushed. Thoughts rushed through my head. Thinking you thought I was creepy, that I shouldn’t have said anything. That I was wrong. But when you finally replied, all it said was “I love you.” I don’t think you understand what rushed through me at that moment, that it was real, something had sparked between us. We decided not to date, because it could wreck our friendship even more. But we defiantly had a ‘thing.’ You treated me like no one ever had for that one month. You told me I was special, you made me think I was worth something.

    But then you just stopped talking to me. You ignored me, my calls, you wouldn’t look me in the eye. I didn’t know what was wrong. You started hanging out with the “popular” guys. When you were with them, I was like a piece of dust – I was nothing to you. I’d try to ask what was wrong, but you would just push me aside and say things have changed. I never got over you.. But I acted like I did. The next two months were the hardest of my life.

    One day you came up to me and said we needed to talk. You told me how they were treating you, they would make fun of you, bash you, hit you. You told me you felt like you had no friends. So I let you into my life. We had fun while it lasted, but then you went back to them. You betrayed me.. When I needed you – you weren’t there. Even though you promised that we’d be friends no matter what – you acted like you didn’t want to be. You killed me greg. You did. I still have feelings for you and I know i shouldn’t, i know i should just let you go. But i can’t. Theres something special about you.

    you can’t just come back anymore. it hurts me too much. but i wish it didn’t. anything to be with you again.

    – e.

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