I’ve spent more than six years of my life living a lie. And i honestly thought i had everything under control. But lately, things are getting more and more difficult.
We’ve always acted as if nothing happened, like things were normal. But they’re not. Maybe you forgot what you did to me, cause every time you try to look at me, you seem surprised as i make sure to not make any form of eye contact. I act as if you’re not in my life, like you’re not in my house. But BELIEVE me, i know you are. No one knows this more than i.
….I thought i had everything under control. I thought i knew how to deal with this. But i can no longer stand being around you. I find myself nervous, scared, and alert of my surroundings when you’re near. I’ve had two nightmares in the past week. I’ve always had nightmares where i’m being abused in one way or another. But never one where you actually come out as my abuser.
And I’m scared. Scared that one day you’ll have that urge again. And scared to be forced back into that deadly silence..