• How?

    by  • July 20, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, Heartbreak • 0 Comments

    I’ve tried typing what I’m feeling and I’m having trouble putting it into words without sounding not like I’m wanting to. So I’m just going to jump out there and say it regardless of how I sound.

    How could you not tell me that you’re gay? I don’t understand why you wouldn’t tell me. This can’t possibly be any easier than telling me in the first place. I feel like an idiot for not knowing. There were SO many signs. You shouldn’t have told me so much about being gay 2 days after you broke up with me. You should have just left it at “I’m gay. I’m not attracted to you physically at all. I don’t think we should date anymore,” not telling me about all of the guys that you had a thing for while we were dating. NOT telling me about all of the different “types” of gay and which one you like and which one you are. I really wish that our best friend hadn’t told me about your secret sex life with guys you didn’t really know. I wish you hadn’t told me about what kinds of gay sex you like and would participate in. It’s just a bit too much for me and my stomach to handle. The worst part of it is that you still love me. You’ll always love me. I wish that you had never told me that. That is the most difficult part of getting over you. That process is going to get a bit easier though now that you are leaving to England soon with your grandmother and brother but I can’t imagine life without you.

    I am lost in-between. I love you but I don’t want to. I want to stand up for homosexual rights but I get the worst kind of pang when I think of it. I want for you to be happy with someone but I almost vomit at the thought of you being with anyone else. Man or woman…I don’t want to hate you but I can’t help it.

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