• Dear You,

    by  • July 20, 2011 • * Safe for Work *, To You • 0 Comments

    So this is what happened over the last seven months: (Just to Recap)

    I met my legit best guy friend who’s this really, really, cute guy that’s amazing at guitar and can really write songs from the bottom of his heart (Even if he’s only written a few).
    He’s funny, smart, witty, adorable; He listens to what I have to say and he’s just plain amazing.
    I fell in Love with him because he was just so awesome. (And for many other reasons, too.)
    You know?
    He didn’t care about sex like most boys. Well, probably more than I knew but he was very good at controlling his hormones.
    He didn’t push me away.
    He was understanding.
    He wasn’t forceful about anything.
    He was just awesome.
    But you know..
    We kinda drifted apart.
    Or he stopped liking me or something.
    And it sucks.
    I’m being honest; It really does.
    And I feel like he doesn’t wanna be friends.
    Well he does…I think…right?
    I don’t know.
    Well…This is what I think (about our relationship).

    He would like to see me once more but then again he may be afraid;
    I think he knows he’d have old feeling from when we first met.
    He wants to kiss me too. (And I’m still quite interested to see how that plays out.)
    But maybe he doesn’t want that.
    He’s really bad with Distance.
    Which is too bad.
    I’m great at handling it.
    Though even I’m reaching my limit with the missage of him.(It’s been seven months since I’ve seen him!)
    And I really want to see him though I think a lot of mixed emotions will turn up.

    What if I take that as the final time, get over him, but then he likes me again?
    What if I fall for him even more but he likes me only when he’d get to see me often?
    What if he doesn’t like me at all?

    I know it may sound stupid but even though I wanna kiss him so bad, I don’t want him to unless he truly wants to.
    I want him to kiss me first too. >.>
    I don’t know why. It’d be cuter I guess.
    And I’d know he did it cause he wanted to.

    Anyways..

    I’m telling you this because in my heart, you’re my best guy friend.
    The same one I just told you about.
    But you knew that.
    We’re both crafty like that. >:3
    And though I am trying to get the courage to send this to you,
    I fear you will say little,
    Or nothing at all.
    Maybe it’ll give you something to think about.

    But you know what?
    I’m a stupid girl who’s in Love.
    You know what this stupid girl thinks?

    She thinks that in you’re heart you still like me as much as you did when you first met me. Even though you don’t realize it.
    She thinks that if you saw me again, you’d get that warm feeling you confessed that you hadn’t felt since the summer before again.
    This stupid girl thinks I’ll be nice and warm in your sweat shirt this winter.
    This stupid girl knows for sure she’ll be in yours arms for at least a day this summer.
    But this stupid girl is at odds with the rational part of me.
    The rational one is starting to believe that bad things people say about you.
    That you don’t care.
    You’ll never come see me.
    And that you’ll never send the sweat shirt.
    But the rational girl is having a hard time believing that because the boy that thought he loved me still keeps a bracelet with my name, and a picture of us kissing on a swing set next to his bed.

    I hope I didn’t confuse you too much.
    And I hope that wasn’t weird.
    Please don’t think that.
    It’s what I feel.
    And I’m having a rough time dealing with it alone.
    Love is hard.
    I know you know how that feels.
    You’ve been in Love before right?
    (Don’t judge meh plz >.<)
    Though my feeling for anything couldn't fit on all of the papers in the world.
    No.
    I lied.
    That's too much paper.
    I could.
    I just felt like being dramatic I guess.

    Oh, also,
    I wrote this on a site that allows me to post anonymous letters
    But I'm really hoping I let you read this.
    And I hope I don't change my mind tomorrow.
    But I'm already starting to.
    No.
    I got it.
    I'll let you decide if you want to read it.
    And if you are,
    You clearly agreed.
    You're a nice boy, Dylan.
    I hope whatever you say back to this isn't negative.
    ..I'm being too paranoid aren't I? :
    *Sigh.*
    I also hope this gives you something to think about.
    But I hope I'm not too annoying.
    I get that a lot.
    Even recently.

    But wow.
    I'm rambling.
    I should go.

    You know I love you,
    Hannah.

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