Dear Cheer Parents, You are the most evil people on the face of this earth.
I fell in love with cheerleading when I was 14. I cheered all the way through college and I loved every minute of it. Then, I became a coach.
Slowly I watched my life rot away. My self esteem, my muscles, my salary, my sanity. I watched you show up with new Coach purses when you haven’t paid for your child’s tuition in two months.
I watched you break all of my rules and allow your children to break them. No, no matter how much you yell it’s not ok for your child to have a hot dog in her hand when we are next in line for warm ups. It’s not my fault she didn’t eat.
And yes, Yes I will ask your child why she didn’t do her jumps ON THE MAT, AT NATIONAL COMPETITION!! And no I probably won’t be nice. OH.. she doesn’t like to jump. Then why the hell is she in cheerleading!!!??
I know she is your precious angel but it’s never ok for a 14 year old child to call their coach “a ridiculous bitch” through text for cancelling practice. Yes, you’re right we do need to practice but excuse me for wanting to be in Dallas with my husband who is going to Afghanistan for a year instead of babysitting your foul mouthed brat.
You angrily ask me why your baby has a scratch on her leg? Well if she would cradle the way we keep telling her to maybe her leg wouldn’t be that close to her base’s braces. Meanwhile, no one seems to care my shoulder doesn’t work anymore because of having to catch YOUR KID and her dumb scratch.
Oh I could go on. I have 20 full years of coaching nightmares. But I won’t.
Just know this cheer parents…..
As I sit here in my comfy chair, I am no longer a coach. I don’t have to go to camp this summer. Three boxes of pom poms, American Cheerleader Magazines and coaching manuals are in boxes on the curb as I write. Tomorrow is going to be a great, carefree day full of whatever the hell I want to do. My last words for you are:
1. You owe me 400$ in gas for picking your kid up 2 twice a week and taking her home for two years.
2. You owe me another 700$ for feeding her usually before and after practice
3. I won’t charge you for babysitting her dumb ass 5 hours a week if you would JUST ONCE say “thank you”.
4. I hope something eats you.
Thanks for murdering my passion.