1. he will treat you like dirt the second you guys become gf/bf.
2. he will abuse all the privileges and treat you as an option rather than a priority.
3. he will still be keeping in touch with his ex-gf behind your back no matter how much it bothers you and he may just as well be hooking up with her on the side without telling you (b/c she’s so fucking easy even the dumbest kid in america could score an A on that).
4. he will call you names like ‘bitch’ and tell you things in a derogatory fashion: ie. “shut the fuck up” or “mind your own fucking business” or “you have a hidden ego” or “you’re so selfish. i guess those were 4 examples rather than one.
5. he will tell his friends amazing things about you as a way of showing off he has a great girlfriend but he will treat you like dirt and make you think the complete opposite.
6. he will only call you when he has nothing better to do and is very, if not utterly, bored with his life. otherwise, you’re nowhere next to speed dial.
7. he’s not concerned about being your best friend; he wants to be in your pants. he’s not looking at the map. he only wants to be at the destination.
8. he will continue to try to keep you around by telling you things you would want to hear in your naturally vulnerable state: ie. “i can’t stop having feelings for you” or “i know we’re right for each other” or “i see this working out for the long haul” or “i can’t be without you.” each one of those statements had ‘bullshit’ written all over it. just use a magnifying glass to look a bit closer.
9. he will make you feel stupid and low and kick your self-esteem to the curb as a way of superficially making up for his many, many flaws. one of which is that he’s probably ugly. just sayingggg
10. you’re a good girl so you will think that this guy has so much to offer despite not being the most attractive person yet. stop it and stop pitying him b/c he’s probably using his cons to bash your pros. it temporarily boosts his ego and makes him feel on top.
11. he will introduce you to his family to make you feel significant but he really isn’t planning on keeping your around for too long. be able to tell the difference b/w ‘mr right’ and ‘mr right now’ and believe me, mr right now comes with a hefty plan. batteries included.
12. he will never be sober around you but is always down to get drunk with you at the local bar and have some fun hook-up sesh afterward.
13. you may want to discuss certain things about your relationship but he’ll either a. ignore your thoughts and pretend you never had anything to say or b. tell you that you are wrong and proceed to move on with his life. you will probably never bring up anything again out of the feeling that you are being needy or clingy which he will make you believe. (grow the the fuck up, girl)
14. he will dictate to you the way things are and tell you things as if they are found in the encyclopedia. he’ll really make you believe it, too. so deceiving. ie: “couples don’t need to talk everyday” or “it’s not necessary to always talk on the phone” or “sometimes i just need a little push..otherwise i definitely would have come to see you.” the last one is the best b/c sometimes that statement was a little confusing.. did you need some sort of persuasion or was i supposed to come there and physically push you 300 miles to come see me? neither happened b/c honey, i ain’t desperate for ya and never will be.
15. he will not be a friend to rely on and he will tell you that just b/c you guys are going out, neither should expect the other to do certain things like save the other person from florida if they somehow ended up there by mistake. meanwhile, you will hear your brother rant about he went to save his gf at a bar when some other guy was being a dick. is that love or what? (the most important lessons are learned with family first and foremost, folks.)
16. he will wonder why you aren’t that romantic with him and make you feel as if you are not a tender, loving person. yet, he still won’t call.
17. he won’t respect your decision to not give it up. he’ll get angry and tell you that sex will suck for you b/c you haven’t been able to experience it fully in the sense that other people have before getting married. he will make you want to alter your innermost beliefs by putting you down.
18. he will tell you he is coming to see you and then cancel a few minutes prior to his destined arrival. he will follow up with a brief and meager (if any) excuse and he’ll really believe that you are buying it.
19. he will cancel seeing you after an important surgery b/c his ex-gf decided to hit him up and he will text you a paragraph-long message that reads “blablablabullshitbullshitblablablabla” about how his family just decided to have a dinner since they didn’t have a chance to meet up, so now he must see you the next day. then the next day will come and he’ll cancel again. (oh it gets better)
20. he will look at you with disgust the mornings after and wonder why you don’t look ‘pretty’. he will tell you you need to put lotion on your skin and just give you a look of all-around disgust.
21. he will make up many many lies and where voids remain, he will always have a back-up lie to substitute its place.
22. he will not call you on your birthday but he’ll pretend to make you feel important by wishing you first on facebook and texting that he wishes he was there with you. then why aren’t ya?
23. he will ask you why you don’t know much about your culture and look at you as if you’re foreign to him. he will look at your gaps and emphasize them when possible, not in the way that makes you want to learn and become more fulfilled but in the sense that is condescending and punitive.
24. he will always want you to look your best, b/c in essence, that is all you are to him. a showcase girlfriend.
25. he will get angry with you over little things. he may, however, commit to the same things but it’s okay b/c he’s the boss. when those times come, he will lash out at you and you won’t be able to talk. not b/c you don’t want to but b/c no one wins an argument with a wall.
26. he will push you in front of his friend all b/c you called him crazy after he said he wanted to invest in buying a gun.
27. he will ask for $5 for gas money after he visits saying he doesn’t have enough money to get home. he will also be a drug dealer on the side probably…tell me if those two go hand in hand b/c i have yet to see it.
28. did i mention he’s a drug dealer? (loser in my book, don’t know about yours.)
29. he will tell you that you know nothing about how it is to live a poor life. you will laugh in your head knowing you lived in a one-bedroom apt for 14 years of your life while being in a family of four. (i guess some people are more gracious about it than others, huh?)
30. he will never get to know your friends past a certain point simply b/c he doesn’t care to and most likely b/c he’s done enough damage thus far anyway, he has nothing but shame to show to your friends so why even go there? even an asshole knows innately when he’s wrong.
31. he will bring up his past more times than you’d like to hear but the second you open up about yours, he’ll tell you you never had a past and that you’re harping on something that does not even exist.
32. he will not understand why you don’t get the things he does or have certain things in common with them. it will make you feel alienated and upset at yourself for not having those commonalities.
33. he will tell you he ‘luvs you’ but not ‘love’ b/c it’s too early for that. when you’re about to dump his ass, he’ll tell you that it’s so wrong for you to do that b/c he’s in the process of ‘falling in love with you.’ you’ll recall him saying the same exact thing about 2 months ago and wonder how long it is that he’s been falling for and if he’s just really hit the ground already and busted his head that now he’s talking shit out of his rectum.
34. he’ll lie to you about the amount of girls he’s been with. he’s just plain old dishonest. you will find out through others b/c no humane individual enjoys seeing a good person get hurt by a dick. it will be someone anonymous but you will find out. and if ya don’t, be observant and you may find out through other ways. thank you facebook and thank you 20/20 vision** (you probably don’t get this one and that’s okay)
35. he will get text messages from his scummy ex-gf saying ‘bruno mars reminds me of you’ or ‘does the girl from 500 days of summer remind you of me? b/c my co-worker said she does’ and you will see that he replied to her with all the things she wanted to hear. and you may even look at the dates of the texts and wonder why he didn’t text you those days..but then you will recall him telling you he’s really ‘busy’ with work. btw, not to mention he most likely had this job for one week and then quit. ah, a very busy lifestyle indeed.
36. you’ve probably have enough by now.
37. he will compliment you less and less unless you are both drunk and he’s using his beer goggles.
38. he will go out more and more and text you ‘i miss you messages’ every once in a blue moon but he won’t be willing to spend time with you. i can really see where the ‘i miss you’ part gets tied into all of this.
39. he will introduce you as a student from rutgers when you and him both know you’re not even in college anymore. btw,
who went to rutgers? two ex-girlfriends? ah, i see.
40. he will act like he’s the shit and that you’re the one missing out. you will want to spit on his face.
41. he will cry when you walk out and make it seem as if he really treasures you but in your heart, it just doesn’t make sense and you know you’re being fooled. you listen to him anyway.
42. you guys break up and you learn more and more about him from others and you realize everything about him was just a huge mistake. at least you made the right decision.
43. he will continue to try coming back but you’ll find out from friends and friends of friends that he’s tried hooking up with them or dating them but they failed. he’ll give you another 2 am phone call either drunk or desperate or a mixture of both telling you he misses you and that he fucked up and wants you back. he’ll be with another girl two days later and they’ll be ‘best friends.’
44. he’ll play more mind games than you can keep count of. he’ll trick you in your own game and it won’t be over until he wins.
45. he’ll tell his friends about your problems and how he doesn’t see you guys working out in the future. (you’ll have found out from some of those so-called friends of his the second you guys break up so just DO IT already woman!)
46. he’ll beat the bushes out of you and tell you that you don’t know how to hold a relationship b/c you’re new at this and haven’t had much experience. once again, ‘a boyfriend doesn’t need to call you everyday. things should just flow.’ excuses, excuses, excuses.
47. still doesn’t make sense though. don’t worry, it shouldn’t.
48. he will dance with other girls and hit on them and you will find out through girlfriends about him giving out his number and when you confront him, he will tell you this is what guys do. you’ll later find out that those very girls either a. blocked him or b. deleted him after accepting his desperate friend request. then he’ll come leaping back towards you. RUN GIRL RUN WITH THE WIND!
49. he’ll use his intelligence as a way to be overbearing and look over you, but never eye-to-eye.
50. he will tear you apart into thinking you are NOT worthwhile.
so bottom line, wait for the one who turns all this around & makes you realize that you don’t need any of these things from #1 to #50 b/c you, essentially, are not a number to begin with. you are so much more and anyone making you feel any less is a waste of your beautiful time. life is too short and precious to spend on a jackass, ladies. make your call (and be wise about it).