• Ode to the Nice Guys

    by  • July 19, 2011 • * Safe for Work * • 16 Comments

    This is for all the nice guys who have ever been utterly confused by women.
    This is for all the nice guys who have cursed “The Friend Zone.”
    This is for all the nice guys who stand by, ready to catch her when that creep lets her fall. Because you know he will.
    And this is for all the girls who never saw it coming.

    I’ve seen all the rants from the nice guys about how ridiculous we women are to claim to want a nice guy only to chase that leather-wearing jerk. I’ve heard the stories of the heartbroken best friend who watches his heart’s desire crushed by insincere men. And I’m here to set the record straight, once and for all:

    We don’t know what we want.

    Sure, most of us want to be made to feel special. We want to be told that we’re pretty. We want to be held, and spoiled, and treated like a princess. There are those few who really enjoy being hurt, because, ya know, we all have daddy issues and whatever. But we want a little adventure, too. We’re not too picky about what exactly adventure entails; that much is obvious. Or else, “Hey baby, me and my boys are gonna go party at this secluded beach at an unholy hour,” wouldn’t sound so enticing.

    The problem with the aforementioned qualities is this: They don’t exist. At least, not all in one package. Not usually, anyway. And so, we fall for those smooth talkers, with their beautiful words of silk. And we fall for those big blue (or brown, or green, or hazel) eyes surrounded by gorgeous dark fringe, staring straight into ours, promising everything every girl in the vast sea of estrogen has ever dreamed of. And we’d be willing to bet our college funds that this guy with all the confidence in the world is our knight in shining armor.

    Only he’s not. He’s the guy with the game plan. The one that leads straight to a bed for the no-pants-dance. And you, Mr. Nice Guy, are fully aware of that game plan. But do you ever sit us down and explain what kinds of things are said behind those locker room doors? Now, I’m not saying our naivety and ignorance is your fault. But it would be nice to not be totally blindsided, ya know? Even if we do totally reject your attempt to save our hearts (and possibly, our virtue), you then later have a perfect opportunity for a well deserved, “I told you so.” Which is neither possible nor acceptable in a scenario where absolutely no telling occurs.

    Anyway, the point is that we THINK we know what we want (scroll up for a brief list if you’ve already forgotten what that is). And we THINK we know what we want when we see it. But we don’t, and we can’t. And here’s where you come in, oh beloved-and-yet-so-under-appreciated nice guys: YOU must convince US that YOU are what WE want.

    That’s right. It’s your job to Jedi-mind trick us into believing that all those things that we think we want are all rolled into a nicely wrapped package of you. I’m not saying that you should lie, or leave any of the story out. A lie by omission is still a lie, and that shit’ll get you into angry girl hell. But I am saying that you should stretch your character to best fit those qualities. Kind of like in a job interview, when the guy behind the shiny mahogany desk asks you what characteristics you possess that would better the work environment: “I happened to shower this morning” becomes “clean;” “I’ve never been caught eating the grapes at my grocery store job” becomes “trustworthy;” and “I didn’t fail out of high school” becomes “hardworking.”

    And I’m not saying it wont be hard, either. I AM saying that if she’s worth the time conjuring up an entire whiny note on LINS or Facebook, then she’ll most likely be worth the effort. So, dear Nice Guys, I’m asking– no, challenging– you to do what needs to be done. Remind us of what it is we think we want, and give it to us. Every single day. Otherwise the swaggering, fist-pumping, teeth-bleaching, salon-tanning, multiple-pictures-of-their-abs-for-facebook-taking douchebags win. Please– don’t leave the fate of love in the hands of the cast of Jersey Shore.

    “Help us, Obi Wan Kenobi… You’re our only hope.”

    16 Responses to Ode to the Nice Guys

    1. Jake
      July 19, 2011 at 9:16 am

      Bullshit. they bitch and moan that they cant get a nice guy until they are all used up and the jerks don’t want them anymore. THEN they actually pay attention to the guys that loved them the whole time.
      Well I for one will no longer stand for it. I am a closet nice guy. But as far as women know, I am the biggest dick head on earth, and the really sad thing is…. It works! I wish it didn’t but it really does.

    2. Grace
      July 19, 2011 at 9:28 am

      Sometimes though the nice guy really isn’t the one you want. There are going to be times where even though that one guy loves them and you will just never love them back. I think that’s the more annoying fact is the nice guy who is only that a good friend who’s shoulder you can cry on.

    3. Rachel
      July 19, 2011 at 9:30 am

      There is no such thing as a closet nice guy. You clearly don’t understand what a nice guy is, or the true technique to winning a woman’s affection. No woman in her right mind would even care that you say you’re a “closet” nice guy, and some women actually choose the nice guy first. I did, and I will never regret it.

    4. Sully
      July 19, 2011 at 9:36 am

      The fact of the matter is that everyone wants to be wanted. Once you have that need filled you find someway to try and get it again. That’s why the jerks will always win. Women want to be wanted and when they aren’t they run to the jerk until he wants them. That’s why nice guys will always finish last until they realize not to care and stop being such a doormat

    5. David
      July 19, 2011 at 9:48 am

      Lemme double-check something. You are saying that I’m supposed to convince you that I’m actually a nice guy? I’m supposed to convince you that he’s a jackass and I’m for real? Fuck that. That’s what I do everyday. That is all I can do as a ‘nice guy’. And it isn’t enough. You know why it never works? Because you wouldn’t know a nice guy if he kicked you in the head. Because, as I nice guy, when I try to be honest with a girl and tell them that he’s bad news, they do what women do so well. They don’t listen.

      So listen now. Nice guys are like the big sales at department stores. We only come by every once and a while and we tend not to stick around. Not because we don’t like you, it’s because we tire quickly of the ‘friend zone’. So, like Rachel did (and well done on grabbing a nice guy), take what is right in front of you. People age. Those abs turn into beer bellies. That tanned skin wrinkles. Personality lasts a lifetime.

      It isn’t my job to convince you that your d-bag boyfriend is bad for you. I’m not your fucking therapist. My job is to meet women until I find the right one. The right one is the one that realizes, without any coaching or convincing, that I’m the Prince Charming she was looking for all along. If you need convincing, it’s only because you haven’t been hurt enough. Which is where the d-bag’s job comes in. He is the “Jedi Master” of hurt. Talk to him if you don’t think I’m for real.

    6. Nobody
      July 19, 2011 at 9:49 am

      What the devil is a “closet nice guy?” I’m pretty sure that you are exactly what she’s talking about when she says that girls fall for the smooth talkers that promise the world, and don’t plan to deliver. You are the guy with the game plan. And you can’t get all bent out of shape when a girl “bitches and moans that they cant get a nice guy until they are all used up and the jerks don’t want them anymore. THEN they actually pay attention to the guys that loved them the whole time,” because you probably didn’t even TELL her that you gave a damn! You can’t tiptoe around your own feelings and then declare war when she doesn’t seem to understand how you feel about her. If you come across as a dickhead, then you sir, are a dickhead.

    7. Uncool
      July 19, 2011 at 2:12 pm

      @ David – I swear if women were really thinking like this all nice guys would be near extinction and those guys with the “game plan” would be getting with any and everyone, oh wait they already do that. :/

      Its true us men who have those traits for caring about people such as yourself doesn’t deserve to be put into a category and more so be forced to showcase ourselves for your pleasure. We shouldn’t have to change ourselves completely either just to fit your view of an ideal boyfriend, you take us at face value. Heck I would go as far as to say that whom ever is stupid enough to do this for you would want them to be whipped – maybe even a man slave. @_@

      I could do Jedi-Mind tricks on people all day to people such as yourself, however would that make me feel better I feel so devoid of love I would resort to sullying my dignity and manipulating your heart to love me back? Then your not someone who should be in love if you take that type of thinking into a relationship.

      You take that person in and love them for who they are. See them at their best as well as their worst and perhaps hopefully, work at those shortcomings each and every day. Relationships have always incredibly fragile kind of like hugging a balloon, holding it too tight and it will pop.

      Just like what David said, its our job as men to find someone who realizes without some form of coaxing, brainwashing, or electric shock therapy that we have always been the one they have been waiting for, we have just haven’t seen each other just yet. Its true that we should have self confidence in ourselves, not live with regret and more importantly then anything have that level of self respect that no one can give to us but ourselves. That is something that a person who understands human value can see in someone else almost immediately.

      Bottom line is this, if you aware of your believe system, moral code, and all that doohickey then you should be aware of what type of guys you know to stay away from. Don’t give in to temptation so easily if you want to fight for your happiness – a goal many people here share.

      PS. I never felt so degraded with such a letter as a guy here. Doesn’t help that my name “Jed” was tossed around and used as post hypnotic suggestion. :/

    8. Jordan
      July 19, 2011 at 4:53 pm

      Folks, I think you’re missing the point of this letter. It’s not to degrade anybody, or insult people named Jed. What I got from the letter is that we as men have to put ourselves out there. We have to be man enough to tell her how we feel, and then show her that not ONLY are we a nice guy, but that we are that confident “adventurer” as well. That we can give her everything everyone else can’t. I’m all for being accepted for who I am, but I feel like if she doesn’t challenge me to be BETTER than who I am, then she’s not worth it. And if I have to take a step up from where I’m at now to get the girl of my dreams, I say do it.

    9. Steff
      July 19, 2011 at 11:14 pm

      Yep, I don’t think you guys got the message; I think the letter was trying to tell you not to be shy; as Jordan says, if you want it go for it and not just stared at the girl who haven’t notice you because you haven’t make her notice you.

      Nice guys would desist if they see the chick is preferring that leather-wearing jerk because you respect our decisions and all… but it would be nice if you are not that nice and nicely fight for not to remain just as that nice guy… we want a bad ass looking guy who is a nice guy

    10. whatever
      July 20, 2011 at 1:00 am

      Listen. To all those self-proclaimed “nice guys” who pretend they’re douche bags in order to win over women: Pretending to be a douche bag MAKES you a douche bag. It does not matter what your intentions are, what matters is how you act on them.

    11. Uncool
      July 20, 2011 at 2:46 am

      You obviously don’t know a thing about human relations when people do a lot of ass kissing and manipulation. Don’t be naive that people aren’t able to do this, regardless of what type of person they may be. Its the good people that withhold themselves from even thinking let alone attempting this and that differentiates them from D-Bags. Thats doesn’t mean a certain complications can create such events a person can become this, anyone can do both good and evil but that doesn’t mean that are completely one or the other for delving into one.

      To be assertive to meet such a person such as Mr. Right is quite obvious but these segments are the most disconcerting when reading this letter in particular:

      “YOU must convince US that YOU are what WE want.”
      ” you should stretch your character to best fit those qualities”
      “It’s your job to Jedi-mind trick us into believing that all those things that we think we want are all rolled into a nicely wrapped package of you.”
      “We don’t know what we want”
      “Kind of like in a job interview”

      First of all this isn’t a damn interview or the Millionaire Matchmaker, its a relationship between two people trying to get to know each other with bits and pieces of interest, hobbies, etc. Its not one sided whatsoever, this takes time as such information is sensitive and people are at first guarded to reveal such as aspects of themselves.

      Again in such relationships you want both and I mean BOTH parties to bring out the best in each other. This person has your back no matter what even with your shortcomings. You don’t stretch your qualities to fit this little bubble but highlight your good ones and work on the ones your not proud of which obviously makes more sense.

      In addition “if you don’t know what you want” – guess what go in truly look inside yourself and think about what you want out of a relationship, know what is a is unacceptable in your eyes, and honestly find self-respect/pride in oneself because to many people in my life, even some of my favorite heroines who inspire me have issues with this. And it does pain me to see such incredible people suffer with it.

      Our hearts often manipulate our feelings and emotions and because of it we end up in relationships that involves diminishing returns.

      That’s why its up to both the men AND women here to find that inner strength and resolve to say “No I won’t take anything less, I have value as a human being and I deserve to be loved and treated equally in my relationship.” No manipulation, no secret endeavors, just cold and true honesty for the person yours seeking to be with such as these nice guys and more so yourself.

      We all deserve to be loved, even those who have hurt us in one way or another. This world shouldn’t continue on with such pain because life has so much to offer us if we grasp the opportunity that’s in front of us.

    12. Bethany
      July 20, 2011 at 4:30 am

      I know exactly what I want. I want a nice guy. But they’re all either taken, gay, or unavailable for some other reason. That’s why we friend zone the ones that come along, because we know that’s where they’ll stay in our lives.

    13. C
      July 20, 2011 at 6:09 am

      Just to give my two cents on this – if you’re acting like a dick, then to me – you’re a dick, and I won’t even want to hang around with you, let alone be with you. If you’re a “nice guy” pretending to be a dick, then stop deluding yourself, because I will still think you’re a dick. Thing is, I generally tend to fall for nice guys. The nice guys that I tend to ignore, however, are the ones who are willing to lie in front of an oncoming truck for me, when I barely deserve it or he doesn’t even really know me at all! Personally, I need a guy with a backbone, a guy that is interesting, fun and has his own thing going on and doesn’t make it so his entire world revolves around me – and nice guys can have backbones without being a dick, it just requires being exactly who you are, and not trying to be my saviour, or to win me. If something should happen between us, then it will – if not, that’s not because I’ve gone after a douchebag, it’s probably because you were lying on your back waiting for me to walk all over you, as nice guys tend to a lot or, quite simply, I just don’t fancy you. Sorry.

    14. Meagan
      July 20, 2011 at 7:28 am

      I gave up my nice guy. I did he was behind me all the way to date a wanna be lawyer. (he never got into law school… Karma is a Bitch) but he was that charming, smooth talking extremely muscular douche bag that we all fall for once in our lives. But while I was wrapped up with this guy for a year when I fell I fell hard and my nice guy, yeah he was there to comfort me but he has a girlfriend now. One who is a lot smarter than me and saw everything that he could offer and took it. I am left realizing that I do love him and hes gone, and I wont tell him not that I love him because he has something great going for him and we are still friends and I don’t want to ruin that either. I don’t want to lose him completely for my mistake of not realizing what had been there the whole time.

    15. Cindy
      July 20, 2011 at 4:45 pm

      I am down for a nice guy. I don’t reject nice guys. If I reject you it has nothing to do with the fact that you’re nice, we just don’t mesh well. I don’t go for asshole, all the time. However, I am a bitch. I want you to be passionate. I want you to be smart. I want you to be funny. I want you to care about music and movies and books. I want you to make me feel special. And of course, as much as no one admits it, I want you to be attractive. Or at least I want to be attracted to you. Obviously.

    16. Jordan
      July 21, 2011 at 12:27 am

      @ Uncool… Seriously? I attempted to read through your comment, but it was so nonsensical and difficult to get through that I gave up. I don’t even understand the point you were trying to make.

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